


Doctor Patient Confidentiality

by skambition



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Accidents, Alternate Universe, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Doctor/Patient, Explicit Sexual Content, Flirting, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Sex Talk, Sexual Content, Suicidal Thoughts, Teasing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-02
Updated: 2017-06-17
Packaged: 2018-11-08 07:07:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 30,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11076534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skambition/pseuds/skambition
Summary: “Male, maybe late 20s, didn’t carry an ID. Was hit by a car. Broken ribs, lots of internal bleeding, his left hand needs some work, a lot of crushed bones. Punctured lung. His heart frequency shows irregularities, but we’re not sure why. Unconscious. The driver called, he’s in surgery, too.”“Okay, thanks”, Isak said, got his rubber gloves and went into the OR.He was good at fixing people. And he knew it.





	1. He was good at fixing people. And he knew it.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [beautisometimes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/beautisometimes/gifts).



> To the most beautiful Fandom
> 
> I'm still letting the texting fic rest for now, because I will only continue it if I find a perfect way to do it, and I'm still getting inspired and I don't want to force it. I hope everybody can try to understand that!
> 
> Instead of texting, I wrote this.
> 
> I just want to say that medicine is not my field and I'm not an expert. I apologize for every mistake and also for every wrong word or expression I may have used. You're welcome to tell me and educate me on everything!
> 
> I really hope some of you will like this and I can't wait to hear some feedback!  
> Enjoy reading <3
> 
> ...beautisometimes <3 no words, just love
> 
> ALT ER LOVE  
> BE KIND

* * *

 

 

“I’m sorry.”

“You’re always working late, Isak.”

Isak sighed, his phone between his ear and his shoulder, while he was sorting through some files on his desk:

“I’ll be there in like half an hour, I’m going to get changed right now.”

There was nothing but silence on the other end, and Isak closed his eyes, trying to compose himself:

“Okay? I’m going home right-“

His beeper went off. Fuck.

“Emergency?”

“Yeah. I’m so sorry, baby, I really am”, Isak promised, already walking out of his office and through the halls.

“I’ll put your food in the oven. Just come by when you’re done.”

“Thank you. You’re the best fucking boyfriend in the world”, Isak promised, relieved that he didn’t have to deal with any arguments tonight.

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll make you pay for that, just so you know.”

Isak chuckled, and was about to whisper something seductive into his phone, but he had just reached the OR.

“Anything for you”, he said quickly, “see you later?”

“Yeah. Bye sweety.”

“Bye.”

Isak dropped his phone into the pocket of his coat before entering the small room right before the OR, getting out of the coat and started to wash his hands with disinfecting soap.

One of the nurses was already there, holding his operation gown and helping him put it on, while Isak got one of the caps to hold his hair back and a mouth cover.

“What do we have?”, he asked, as the nurse tied his operation gown.

This was still pretty new to him, handling operations all on his own. But ever since his former boss had gone on maternity leave, they were short on surgeons and Isak happened to be the one who spend the most time here. He pretty much took care of all the emergencies all by himself now, even though it hadn’t been too long since he started working here.

“Male, maybe late 20s, didn’t carry an ID. Was hit by a car. Broken ribs, lots of internal bleeding, his left hand needs some work, a lot of crushed bones. Punctured lung. His heart frequency shows irregularities, but we’re not sure why. Unconscious. The driver called, he’s in surgery, too.”

“Okay, thanks”, Isak said, got his rubber gloves and went into the OR. The smell of fresh blood mixed with a lot of disinfecting smell used to get to him, now it was just the most normal thing in the world.

“Scalpel”, he ordered one of the nurses and went to work.

He was good at fixing people. And he knew it.

 

\--

 

The operation took three hours and they had to revive the patient after his heart had just given up. Isak felt sweaty and exhausted and was all too happy when he got home to his boyfriend.

“Hey”, he murmured, tired, when he entered the kitchen.

Adrian looked up at him and gave him a warm smile: “Hey you. Everything good?”

Isak didn’t say anything, instead just moved closer and let Adrian hug him for a couple of minutes.

“Had to revive a patient today”, he told him quietly, while Adrian ran his hands over Isak’s back.

“Oh.”

“Mh. It was pretty close, I think, but he’s stable now.”

“You’re a good doctor”, Adrian praised and kissed Isak’s cheek.

“So you’re not pissed at me anymore?”, Isak asked, moving away a little.

Adrian turned on the oven, where Isak could see some leftover lasagna, and said:

“I’ll lay off you tonight. You do owe me a blowjob though.”

Isak grinned at him, nodding: “That’s fair.”

 

\--

 

“Well, good afternoon, Dr. Valtersen.”

Isak rolled his eyes at his colleague, Sana, who was grinning at him with that suspicious look. He had known her for a really long time, ever since they had saved each other’s asses in biology class. There was not a single person that could read him like she could.

Most of the time, when she had that smug look on her face, he wasn’t even sure himself what it was that he did. But she always made sure to remind him of it.

“Hey Sana”, he replied, taking a look of the files on the counter.

“You look rather radiant”, she teased.

“Radiant?”, he repeated, leaning against the counter, grinning at her, “if you want to know if I had sex this morning, you are welcome to just ask.”

“I don’t have to ask”, Sana reminded him, “I know your _I-just-had-sex_ face by heart. It was pretty much the only face you had all through our third year.”

Isak rolled his eyes, picking up the files of his patients: “So not true.”

There it was again, the smug, knowing expression on her face and he just shook his head slightly:

“You and Yousef should really come over sometime. It’s been a while.”

“Yeah, we should do that. How about- what?”, Sana interrupted herself when Isak frowned at one of his files.

“Just… I had an emergency last night, and I transferred the case, because I have too many patients already. Obviously didn’t happen.”

“The guy that was hit by a car last night?”, Sana asked.

“Mh.”

“Yeah, he refuses to talk to people. Apparently he was a pretty big jerk to Elise last night, when he woke up from the anesthesia. And they told me that they don’t have an ID or anything, so they really don’t know how to provide any medication, because he could easily be allergic or something. Seems to be a real pain in the ass. I guess that’s why they sneaked him back into your care.”

Isak rolled his eyes: “Why the fuck would they do that?”

“Because you can’t say no”, she told him, giving him a smile.

“What makes them think that I’m the right person to take care of some weird guy that bitches at everybody?”, Isak complained and they started walking towards their patient’s rooms.

“Maybe they were just trying to do you a favor?”, Sana suggested, stopping in front of one door.

“How so?”

“Well, if I heard correctly, the guy is supposed to be, and I quote ‘so fucking hot’”, Sana winked at him and entered the room without another word, and Isak rolled his eyes and got into the next room.

 

\--

 

Isak ordered Elise, one of the nurses, to try again, and after she came out of the room pissed off and frustrated, and told Isak that his patient was just not capable of any social interaction. Isak then passed the case on to two of his med students, who were determined to deal with it all on their own to impress Isak. It didn’t work, though, because even though they didn’t receive and snappy comments, the patient apparently didn’t talk to them at all. Isak then passed the case on to one of his older colleagues, telling him that this patient was so difficult that he felt like it was better if somebody more experienced took over. Apparently it didn’t go well, either, because when Isak was done for the day, he found the file sitting on his desk with a note that the patient had been transferred back into his care and needed checking up ASAP.

Isak spend half an hour complaining to Sana, who listened patiently before she shrugged and told him that since he had his night shift tonight anyway, he might as well try.

Isak didn’t know how to argue against that, so he just rolled his eyes, and hugged her goodbye before making his way to the mysterious patient’s room.

 

It was around eight pm when Isak entered the room of the patient in question. He put the papers that he had brought on the table. He had to grade some papers for a class he started teaching, and his night shifts were perfect for that, at least when there were no emergencies that needed to be taken care of.

He walked up to the bed and looked at his patient. He was sleeping, so Isak took the time to look at him. He was really handsome, Isak had to admit, even though right now his good looks were kind of shadowed by the pale skin, the dark circles underneath his eyes, the messy hair and the scratches and bruises on his face. But Isak knew what people looked like after accidents and he knew that underneath all of that, yes, that dude was probably really hot.

He studied the file of the patient, his dose of pain killers, his blood results. Then he studied the pretty sleeping face for a second, before he sat down on the small table next to the window, and started working on the papers he had to grade. He was teaching Anatomy right now, because the same colleague that went on maternity leave had left him not only with too many patients, but with an actual class full of students. He liked teaching, actually, even though it could get kind of embarrassing, because not too long ago he was sitting in classes like that, and he knew a couple of his students from drunk parties. Luckily, that only made them like him more, and they kept the teasing to a minimum. Mostly.

 

Isak was still buried in work when he heard his patient cough. He got up and walked over to him:

“Hey.”

The guy just stared at him, frowning, and Isak smiled at him:

“I’ll get you some water. Be right back.”

He got him a bottle of water, poured some of it into a glass, holing it up to his patient’s very beautiful lips and helped him drink a few mouthfuls of water, which involved a little coughing and grimacing on the guy’s part, but Isak was used to it. He set the glass down and took the file, so that he had something to look at, to give his patient a few seconds to orient himself.

“So. I didn’t introduce myself yet. I’m Dr. Isak Valtersen. I’m the operating doctor on your case. Are you feeling okay right now? You know, considering.”

That earned him something that looked like an _almost_ smile, and his patient nodded. He looked so tired and exhausted and sad, that Isak almost cared. And he never cared. It wasn’t healthy. Caring about his patient’s blood pressure, yes, about their broken bones and their heart frequencies, yes, but never about them being sad.

Isak ran his hand through his hair, which probably looked like a complete mess by now:

“I won’t force you to talk to me, or anything. But I do have to ask you a few questions. Just because if you don’t tell me your name or your age, we can’t really know if you suffer any memory loss or amnesia. And if you were, we would have to know. Okay?”

Nod.

“I also need to know if you take any medication or if you have any allergies. It’s important for me to know that, because sometimes different medication doesn’t work together and I don’t want to give you any medication that doesn’t work for you. Okay?”

Nod.

“Okay. Thank you. I’m not doing this to invade in your life or to piss you off, it’s just important to know for medical reasons. I get that you don’t want to talk, really. And I won’t bother you after this, I promise. Can you remember your name?”

Nod.

Then, he cleared his throat: “Even. Bech Næsheim.”

He had a nice voice, too, Isak realized, deep and soothing. It sounded kind of weak and hoarse now, but Isak still liked the sound of it.

“Thank you. Is it okay if I put it on your file? I don’t have to if you don’t want me to.”

Even shrugged.

“Nobody is going to be able to read it anyway, trust me”, Isak grinned, and Even shot him another one of those tiny almost-smiles.

“How old are you?”

“29.”

“Mhm. Any allergies that you know of?”

Even shook his head, looking more and more exhausted.

“Okay. Do you take any medication?”

Even closed his eyes, taking a deep breath.

“Everything you tell me is doctor-patient-confidential. That means that I am not allowed to tell anybody what you tell me. So even if you have taken some illegal drugs, it’s okay. I won’t judge. And I can’t tell anybody about it.”

Even shook his head: “No, it’s-“ Another deep breath.

“I take Tegretol.”

“Okay. Do you remember what dose you usually take?”, Isak asked.

“Um. 400mg per day.”

“Good. Perfect. Thank you so much for talking to me. It really helps a lot. I’ll get you your medication for tomorrow morning, okay? There shouldn’t be any side effects, with benzodiazepine and the antibiotics and painkillers you’re getting. If you still feel weird, like dizzy, nauseous, whatever, you should tell me. Okay?”

Even frowned a little, staying quiet, then cleared his throat again.

He looked at his hands when he asked: “You’re not going to ask why I take them?”

Isak shrugged: “No. You’re welcome to tell me, but you don’t have to.”

Even nodded and closed his eyes again, remaining quiet for a few seconds. Isak just waited.

“I have bipolar disorder. I mean- just in case that’s important for you to know.”

He didn’t look at Isak when he said it, but still looked up to see Isak’s reaction.

“Thank you. For telling me”, Isak said, giving Even a smile, “if you want to talk to somebody, I can get you a psychologist for tomorrow.”

Even just shook his head.

“Okay then. If you change your mind, you can always tell me. Just one last thing, do you want me to call somebody? Or do you want to call somebody yourself?”

Even hesitated, cleared his throat again: “Maybe my parents?”

Isak nodded, taking out his phone: “You want to call yourself or do you want me to call?”

Even shrugged and gestured towards Isak, who nodded, handing Even the phone: “Can you dial their number?”

“What will you tell them?”

“Just that you were in an accident and that you’re fine. Do you want them to visit you?”

Even shrugged again, and nodded a little, looking away again.

“Okay.”

Isak waited for a woman with a really nice voice to pick up and informed her about Even’s accident, his current state and his location, told her the visiting hours and answered some of her questions. This was a pretty basic routine for him.

“She says hi. They’ll come by next week, they’re still in Denmark.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Okay. Anybody else?”

Even shrugged again, and Isak just smiled at him: “Maybe we’ll just take this one phone call at a time, okay?”

Even nodded, seeming relieved, and Isak nodded in approval.

“Okay then. Do you want me to leave you alone or is it okay if I stay and grade my papers here in your room?”

Even frowned: “Why?”

“I don’t know, sometimes it’s nicer to have company. I don’t really like to hang with the nurses all the time, too many nasty comments on all the annoying doctors”, Isak explained, “I’ll leave though. If you want me to.”

“No, I- it’s fine”, Even said quietly, “what kind of papers are you grading?”

“I teach anatomy at the university.”

“You seem to be really young, though”, Even said, looking Isak up and down.

“Yeah, I’m just filling in for a colleague. She’s on maternity leave, and I had to take over.”

Even squinted his eyes: “How old are you?”

Isak hesitated for a second, and Even raised his eyebrows: “Doctor-patient-confidential.”

Isak smiled at him: “27.”

Even nodded, giving Isak another one of those _almost_ smiles, and let his head fall back into his pillow, looking exhausted again.

“Just let me know when you need something”, Isak assured him, and Even nodded again, closing his eyes and shifting around until he was comfortable.

Isak went back to his desk, and kept grading papers until it was almost midnight.

Even had fallen asleep at some point, and Isak couldn’t help to stare at him for just one tiny second before he left.

 

\--

 

“I just have to check on one more patient, then I’m out”, Isak promised, holding he phone between his cheek and his shoulder while he organized some files on his desk.

“Yeah, then they’ll beep you and you have to do another operation. It’s already eight, Isak. Can’t you just come home now?”, Adrian pleaded, and Isak took a deep breath.

He hated disappointing his boyfriend like that. He felt so guilty for never being there, for always working late. But he had to check up on Even before he left. He still wasn’t sure about some of the medication, the stitches could still become infected, there was a lot that could go wrong, and Even still didn’t talk to the nurses, so nobody really knew if he was in pain.

“I already changed, they can’t beep me, I’m off my shift, so”, Isak explained, as he started walking the halls towards Even’s room.

“If you’re off your shift, why can’t you come home?”, Adrian asked.

“Because I can’t. I’m sorry. I’ll be there in an hour, okay?”

“Mh.”

“Please don’t be mad”, Isak said, “I’m sorry, okay? I don’t work on the weekend, though. We can do something then.”

“Wow, a free weekend?”, Adrian said ironically.

“I’m sorry”, Isak repeated, as he got to Even’s room, “can we just talk later?”

“Okay.”

“Sorry. See you later.”

“Yeah.”

“I love you.”

“Love you, too.”

 

\--

 

Isak entered Even’s room. Even was awake, looking at the ceiling, turning his head to see who was bothering him. Isak imagined that his face lit up just the tiniest bit, but it could just be his impression.

“Hey”, he said, taking Even’s file and looking at some of the results.

“Hi.” His voice still sounded hoarse, and Isak still liked it.

“How are you? Doing okay with the medication?”, Isak asked, looking down at the file.

“Yeah.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhm.”

Isak nodded, putting the file away again: “Okay. Any pain?”

“Just, you know, everywhere, all the time.”

Isak chuckled, even though he was sure that Even was pretty serious.

“Sorry”, he apologized, “can I look at your stitches?”

Because the nurses had told him that Even refused to let anybody touch him, and Isak really wanted to check if there were any infections. Also, Even needed new bandages on them, so that everything would stay clean.

Even shrugged, looking away again, and Isak wasn’t really sure if that was a go-sign.

“Can I… lift up your shirt?”, he asked, suddenly feeling weird for some reason.

It was no big deal. People got naked in front of him all the time. He didn’t care. He wasn’t even allowed to care. And this wasn’t even naked. This was a bare chested, it was even less than no big deal. It was no deal at all.

Even pulled his shirt up quietly, which didn’t really work because he couldn’t use his left hand.

“Is it okay for me to touch you?”, Isak asked quietly, and Even just looked at him, confused, before giving him another nod. Isak stepped closer, taking the shirt out of Even’s hands, his own hands brushing against Even’s chest when he pulled his shirt up all the way.

Then he grabbed some disinfection gel from the nightstand, rubbing it on his hand:

“I’ll take off your bandages now. Is that okay?”

Nod.

“Tell me when something hurts or when you’re not comfortable with something.”

Nod.

Isak hummed and went to work. The stitches over Even’s stomach looked good, the ones over his ribcage looked even better. Isak couldn’t help but brag a little:

“You know, you’re lucky I did that. I’m like the master of stitches. If you’re lucky, you won’t even see a scar. Everything looks really good.”

“Master of stitches? Really?”, Even asked.

Isak grinned at him and crossed the room, getting disinfecting spray and new bandages.

They remained silent while Isak disinfected the stitches, putting two bandages over them, and finished by taping them onto Even’s body, before gently pulling his shirt down:

“All good”, he told him, soft and quiet, like he would speak to a child.

Even nodded, which Isak interpreted as a Thank you, so he smiled at him while disinfecting his hands again.

“You’re not wearing your coat.”

Isak shook his head: “Already done for the day.”

“Why are you here, then?”

“Can’t get enough of the smell of disinfecting spray”, Isak joked, and it earned him another almost-smile.

“I’ll let you sleep now, okay?”, he said, pushing his hands into his pockets, “unless there is something else I can do for you?”

Even shook his head: “I’m fine.”

“Okay. Have a good night. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

Even nodded, and gave Isak a small smile, which Isak returned, before he turned around and left.

 

\--

 

“Hey”, Isak said as he walked into Even’s room during his lunch break the next day.

Even didn’t say anything back, but he smiled at Isak and Isak felt like seeing the sun rise for the first time.

“How are you?”, Isak asked, and Even shrugged: “Okay.”

“Great.” Isak took Even’s file and studied the numbers, words, short terms for meds and notes.

“Everything looks good. I’d like to do an ultrasound on your heart in the next few days, though, just to make sure we’re not missing something. And I’ll have them do an MRI on you, just to see if everything is still looking good. Okay?”

“Um, why are you doing an ultrasound on my heart?”, Even asked.

“There were some irregularities in your heart frequency when you were brought to us. Nothing major, just something I wanted to check out when you’re feeling better. You don’t have to worry, it’s just routine”, Isak assured him, giving him one of his winning doctor smiles.

Even just nodded along, and Isak made a note on the file: “Okay, great. Um, do you need me to call somebody else for you? Just asking.”

“My roommate. But I’d like to call him myself, so… is there a phone I could use or something?”, Even asked, not looking at Isak.

“Um, yeah, I could try to get you a phone to use. But it can take a few hours sometimes”, Isak said, before reaching into his pocket: “Here, just take mine.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re giving me your private phone?”, Even asked again.

“It’s actually my work phone, so there’s nothing personal on there. Well, nothing too personal, anyway”, Isak grinned, “if you find something embarrassing, ignore it.”

Even smiled a little: “Doctor patient confidential.”

Isak laughed: “Absolutely. I’ll be in the next room, and I’ll come back for the phone when I’m finished, okay?”

Even nodded, and Isak left to check on his other patient.

 

When he came back into Even’s room, he was still holding Isak’s phone, not talking, but doing something that Isak wasn’t sure he was happy about. He did have some private messages on there, because Adrian wasn’t really good with boundaries and called or texted him on that phone sometimes. Normally, Isak didn’t mind, but normally he didn’t hand out the phone to patients and let them check his messages.

“Hi”, he greeted Even, who looked at him in disbelief:

“You’re in level 1306?”

“Mh?”

“Candy Crush. You’re in level 1306.”

“Mh, yeah, I’ve been stuck there for like three month now. It’s the worst level ever”, Isak admitted, and Even gave him another smile.

“Did you get a hold of your roommate?”, Isak asked, not taking the phone away from Even, who obviously continued to play.

“Yeah. He’ll come visit me in a few days.”

“That sounds good.”

“Mh.”

Isak watched Even, who was still playing on the phone, and waited patiently for him to be finished, laying back onto his back, rolling his eyes: “It really is the worst level”, he said, handing Isak the phone.

Isak took it and laughed: “I know.”

He put his phone away and ran his hand through his hair: “I better get going. I’ll come by tonight, change your bandages, okay?”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah”, Isak smiled at him, “see you later.”

 

\--

 

Isak was pretty tired when he got to Even’s room that night.

“Hey”, he said, and Even just looked at him for a moment before looking back at the ceiling.

Isak didn’t take it personally. He asked if he was allowed to change Even’s bandages, if he was allowed to pull up his shirt, touch him. Even still seemed confused that Isak was asking at all, but every request Isak made was met with a short nod or a shrug.

They didn’t talk, and Isak didn’t feel the need to. There were very few people that he felt comfortable being quiet with, he realized. Most of the time, he felt the need to fill the silence, and he had picked up really good smalltalk skills while working here, because situations like these always made him uncomfortable.

Today though, it seemed completely okay. Maybe it was because he was just tired, maybe because he knew that Even was probably not in the best place right now, and was not in the mood to talk to anybody. He didn’t really care, why, but he enjoyed the silence surrounding them, and took a little longer to change the bandages than he really needed.

“Okay, all done”, he said, reaching for Even’s shirt to pull it down with slow motions.

Even shot him an _almost_ smile before looking back at the ceiling.

“Can I… do something? For you, I mean?”, Isak dared to ask, even though he already knew the answer to it.

Even shook his head.

“Okay. I’ll let you sleep now, okay? Thank you for talking to me today, and for letting me change your bandages. I know this can all be kind of… annoying. You did really good.”

Even looked at him, confused again, before smiling at Isak a little, giving him a tiny shrug, as if to say ‘You’re welcome’.

“Good night, Even”, Isak said, voice calm and soft, and turned around to leave.

He was almost at the door when he heard Even’s low voice:

“Night, Isak.”

 

* * *

 


	2. "I don't want to talk to anybody but you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the comments and Kudos <3 <3 <3
> 
> I felt like it's really important to say a few words about the following chapter, because it's dealing with the issues of depression, as well as suicidal thoughts.
> 
> Please try to see this chapter as just my personal knowledge and experience. I am not at all implying that this is what dealing with depression feels like or how people who are trying to take care of people who suffer from depression feel like.
> 
> It is just what I know and have experienced and witnessed, and if you have been in a similar situation it is possible that you will feel like none of this is accurate because probably some things felt completely different for you.  
> Every experience dealing with mental health issues is different, and I'm aware of that.
> 
> If you feel like telling me about yours, aks questions or just talk, I'm always interested in it and happy to listen <3
> 
> This is just my personal experience, and therefore it is just one possible way how depression can be described. I'm very aware that there are a million other ways of dealing with this.
> 
> Sorry for the rambling, it's just important to me to make sure that everybody knows that this issue can be very different for other people.  
> Mental illness is not just a definition in a psychology book, there is a lot more to it and this chapter just portrays how I personally experienced it.
> 
> ALT ER LOVE <3 BE KIND

* * *

 

 

“Why are you reading articles about depression?”, Adrian asked, sitting down next to Isak on his couch.

Isak just shrugged, “Work stuff.”

Adrian leaned over and kissed him on the cheek, “Way too late for work stuff, sweety.”

Isak smiled, turned his head and gave Adrian a proper kiss before turning back to his MacBook,

“I’ll be done in a second.”

“Patient of yours?”, Adrian asked, running his hand through Isak’s hair.

Isak leaned into the touch, “You know I can’t tell you.”

Adrian sighed and started sucking on Isak’s neck, his hand roaming over Isak’s chest,

“Can’t you at least stop working when you’re home?”

“I’ll be done in a second”, Isak repeated, scrolling through the article.

He took psychology at university, of course, and he knew a lot about it due to his personal history, but he didn’t know anything about bipolar disorder. And even if he did, he was starting to doubt that it would help him all that much, because definitions in psychology books and actual people carrying around the weight of a disease like that were as different as night and day.

So Isak wasn’t sure, of course, but walking around on random bridges late at night, carrying neither a cell phone nor an ID, getting hit by a car, all of that could just be the results or a manic episode, at least to Isak that seemed like the only way to explain what happened. And he was almost certain that Even was having a depressive episode right now, and he had no idea what to do with it. He had dealt with depressed patients a lot, but he didn’t really know what to do with Even, because right now he had no support from his family or his friends, and Isak felt responsible somehow. He couldn’t force him to talk to a psychologist, and right now it seemed like Isak was the only person who was able to talk to him, so he was the only person who could at least try to help – and it scared him a little.

He felt that Adrian pushed up his shirt, moved his hand over Isak’s chest and stomach, before pushing it down, fingers playing with the button of Isak’s jeans, while he pushed his hand against Isak’s crotch suggestively.

Isak tried giving in to the feeling for a second, before shaking his head and pulling away,

“Sorry, I- I’ll just-“

Adrian just shrugged, mumbled a “whatever” and got up. Isak closed his eyes and tried to breathe.

He knew Adrian was disappointed, because Isak was always too tired, too caught up in work stuff, too exhausted, to do anything but sleep at night. They did have sex, quick and hectic, in the morning, before Isak left for work, or sometimes at night, but even then Isak was determined to make it quick, because he knew he needed to sleep.

Isak knew that Adrian was just trying to distract him, trying to get him to see that there was so much more than just work, and he loved him for it – he just couldn’t sometimes.

“I’m sorry, babe, just- I’ll be in bed in a second, okay?”, he called after his boyfriend.

“Whatever you want, Isak.” Adrian sounded resigned and any other day, Isak may have followed him, told him he loved him, cuddled with him. Isak knew it wasn’t really about sex, it was more about being close to each other and he knew that Adrian missed that closeness that they once had. And he really wanted to give it to him.

But something just held him back, and he continued to work on his research for another hour.

Then he slowly got into Adrian’s bedroom, and found his boyfriend, peacefully sleeping. Isak quietly undressed himself, his eyes glued to Adrian’s face. He crawled under the sheets and wrapped an arm around his boyfriend, pressing a light kiss to his neck, breathed him in.

He wanted this. He wanted him. And he had no idea why he didn’t fight for it more.

 

\--

 

The next day, Isak was in a slightly better mood. He had convinced Adrian to forgive him with some very dirty stuff in the shower, and there was no better way to start his day than with shower sex.

He didn’t even care about Sana’s raised eyebrow and her smug expression.

He checked on his patients, had two operations around noon, before he met up with the psychologist, Dr. Hansen, to ask him some questions about bipolar disorder and depressive episodes. There were some tips he could give him, but Isak was still disappointed, because he thought that Even would probably refuse to do any of the things the psychologist had recommended, and Isak didn’t feel like he had the experience to take care of Even.

When he told those concerns to Dr. Hansen, he just shrugged,

“I mean, the good news may be, that it doesn’t seem to matter that much what exactly we do with patients. The best predictor for success in therapy is the relationship between patient and therapist. Studies continue to show that.”

“So, it doesn’t matter what I try, as long as he keeps talking to me?”, Isak asked, frowning a little, because that sounded absurd.

“Of course, in an actual therapy, you would have some sort of plan, things you want to speak about, try out, there are a lot of key elements in different types of therapy. But the one thing that proves to be the most effective continues to be the relationship between patient and therapist.”

Isak nodded, still frowning, and took a deep breath,

“Okay, so what, I just try out some of the things you recommended and hope that he’ll get better?”

“Isak, you’re a surgeon. It is not your job to perform some sort of therapy on this patient. That’s not your field and it’s not your responsibility. I know that it can feel like that, because you seem to be the person he trusts the most right now, but you’re not responsible. You told him to see a psychologist, he said no, so technically, your work is done.”

“I know it’s not my responsibility and I’m not trying to be his therapists. I’m just trying to support him, or whatever.”

“Yeah, but if you keep talking to him, that may just be enough”, Dr. Hansen pointed out.

“Okay”, Isak nodded, feeling somewhat relieved.

He took some notes when Dr. Hansen told him about some things he usually tried with patients, but when he left his office, he still felt like he was in over his head.

 

It was late when Isak got to Even’s room, he was already wearing his hoodie and a pair of jeans when he entered. Even was lying in bed, as always, looking sad and exhausted, as always.

“Hey. How are you doing?”, Isak asked, and resisted his impulse to grab the file.

Instead, he looked at Even, who shrugged and looked away.

“Even, listen… I really think it would be good if you spoke to our psychologist.”

Even just shook his head.

“I really don’t want to nag about this, but-“

“Then don’t”, Even cut him off.

Isak ran his hand through his hair, trying to compose himself. He sat down on the spare bed next to Even’s, pushing his hands into the pocket of his hoodie:

“Please?”

Even looked at him a little surprised, before clearing his throat, “I don’t want to talk to anybody but you.”

Now Isak looked surprised, before he shook his head slowly, “I’m not the right person to talk to. This is not my field or anything. I don’t know enough about it to help you.”

“I don’t want another psychologist telling me shit. I don’t.” Even shrugged.

Isak nodded. He got it. He had had this conversation with his mother about a million times. Psychologists didn’t help, psychologists just talked, psychologists always knew everything better even though they had no idea about how badly shit hurt. And Isak got it. He knew that finding the right psychologist was exhausting and he knew that therapy could be exhausting and even make things worse sometimes, before it actually helped. Which it did, and Isak knew it did, but he also understood people who were kind of fed up with it.

But he was still not sure what to do.

He shrugged, “Okay. But you will talk to me?”

“If I have to.”

“Okay. You probably know way more than I do. Can you tell me anything that has helped you in your previous episodes?”, Isak asked, his voice all soft and understanding.

“Nothing ever helps”, Even answered, closing his eyes again.

Isak just nodded, a little desperate, and took a deep breath, before getting up and getting new bandages, getting closer to Even, asked him to lift up his shirt.

Even looked at him, “You’re just going to drop it?”

“No”, Isak said, disinfecting his hands, before putting disposable gloves on, “I have to think, and I do my best thinking while I’m working, so.”

Even nodded and let Isak do his thing. When he taped the bandages onto Even’s skin, he looked up at him. His hand was still lying on Even’s chest, when they locked eyes,

“Can you tell me one thing? One thing that would help you be a little better?”

Even swallowed, not able to look away, and when he didn’t answer, Isak decided to drop it.

“Okay. I’ll come up with something”, he promised, letting go of Even to disinfect his hands again.

Even shook his head, “I still don’t get why you’re doing all of this.”

Isak smiled at him, “Some doctors actually care about their patients, you know.”

“You feel sorry for me”, Even concluded, and his eyes went a little colder.

Isak laughed, “Dude, I watched children bleed to death, I watched hearts that stopped beating, I was there when they amputated the leg of a 14-year-old. You might not be in the best position right now, but I promise you, you’re still pretty lucky.”

Even looked at him, and suddenly there was that _almost_ smile again, that Isak liked so much.

They stayed silent for a couple of minutes, while Isak threw the used bandages away, took off his gloves and washed his hands, before he spoke up again,

“How about we try to get some fresh air the next few days? Get you out of this room for a change?”

Even frowned, “Fresh air?”

“Yeah, I don’t know. Hospital rooms can be a little boring, maybe it’ll be nice to go down to the garden for a couple of minutes”, Isak suggested, pushing his hands back into the pockets of his hoodie.

“That won’t help”, Even said quietly.

“It might.”

“You just said I know better what helps me, and that won’t help me!”

Isak took a deep breath, “Okay, how about we try it anyway?”

Even just rolled his eyes.

Isak stepped a little closer, “Your suggestion is to just lie in bed and do nothing. My suggestion is that we go out. If my suggestion sucks, and there is a pretty good chance that it will, because as I said, I’m not really an expert, we can always go back to your suggestion. Deal?”

Even looked at him for almost a minute, his icy blue eyes squinted a little, before he shrugged,

“Fine.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I don’t know if that works, though”, he gestured to his chest and his broken hand.

“I’ll figure it out”, Isak promised, “thank you. For trying that with me. It helps me a lot.”

Even looked at him confused and shrugged again.

“If there’s nothing else you need, then I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

Even just nodded at him, before closing his eyes again, and Isak wished him a good night and left.

 

\--

 

It took Isak some convincing and he owed his colleague a few favors now, but he was able to get half an hour of free time before his actual lunch break a couple of days later.

In the meantime, Even didn’t really improve. There were good days, days where he told Isak things, where he even smiled and joked about stuff. In the beginning, Isak thought that those days meant, that it would all be better now, but those days were always followed by days where Even didn’t talk to him at all, or told him that nothing would ever help him or get better.

Isak didn’t try anything specific to help Even. He visited him at least once a day, sometimes they talked, sometimes they didn’t, sometimes he offered Even his phone to play Candy Crush, sometimes it earned him somewhat of a smile, sometimes it didn’t. It was just exhausting and not really rewarding, taking care of Even like that.

Which was why Isak was pretty proud of himself when he had finally managed to make the time to actually get Even out of his bed.

 

Even looked the same as always, but the scratches and bruises on his face had started to heal, and Isak thought that he did look a little healthier, a little better.

“Hey”, Isak said, handing Even a pair of boxers, sweatpants, a shirt and a hoodie.

Even frowned, “What is that?”

“We had to cut all of your clothes when we prepped you for the operation, so it’s either this or that hospital shirt.”

Even looked at the soft, fresh clothes in his hands, “You can’t do that. Are those yours?”

“Um. Yeah. Maybe it would be best if you didn’t tell anybody. You know. Doctor-Patient-Confidentiality.”

Even gave him an _almost_ smile and Isak nodded, “Okay then. Do you need some help with that?”

Even stared at him, “What?”

“Do you want me to help you put those on?”, Isak repeated a little slower.

The taller man frowned, shook his head, stared at Isak again, “I- you can’t- we- I mean-“

“Maybe I’ll just help you with the shirt and the hoodie and you can figure the rest out?”, Isak suggested.

Even nodded, and Isak helped him take off the hospital shirt he was currently wearing. Even covered most of his body in blankets, and Isak ignored that while he got Even into the fresh shirt and the hoodie. He zipped it up and pulled the hood over Even’s head.

They both stayed quiet for a few seconds, before Isak cleared his throat,

“Okay. I’ll wait outside. Just call when you’re ready.”

It took Even a long time to wrestle his long legs into the boxers – Isak’s boxers, for fuck’s sake – and pull the sweatpants over them. Everything smelled like Isak now, and he couldn’t help bury his nose in the hoodie for a second before calling him.

Isak helped him put his socks and shoes on, which made Even blush and squirm in embarrassment, but Isak was so professional and not-a-big-deal about it, that he got Even to slightly calm down.

They walked slowly to the elevators, going all the way down and then took a couple of steps through the hospital garden.

Even took a deep breath when they got outside, still holding on to Isak’s arm, and Isak smiled to himself because he knew that he had done something right.

They only stayed outside for about 10 minutes, until Isak could tell Even was getting tired. They made their way back, and Even stood in front of his bed, looking at Isak uncomfortably,

“Um. Your clothes?”

“You can keep them on if you want”, Isak offered, “it’s fine. I got like a million sweatpants here.”

“Thanks. It actually feels good to wear something… real. You know.”

Isak looked up, surprised, because that was not only the first time Even had thanked him, but that he actually shared something without Isak forcing him.

He smiled at him, “Yeah, I totally get that. Maybe your roommate can bring you some of your own clothes when he comes by.”

Even nodded again, crawling back into his bed and resting his head against the pillow.

Isak smiled at him, “Better?”

Even nodded without looking at him.

“Do you want to play Candy Crush? I have a patient a couple rooms down the hall, I could pick it up when I’m done”, Isak offered Even his phone.

Even took it, giving Isak another smile, and looked at the phone. Isak was about to leave, when he heard Even chuckle. It was the cutest sound ever, and Isak raised an eyebrow in question.

“Um”, Even actually _grinned_ at Isak, “an unknown number texted you.” He held out the phone for Isak to see, who looked at it completely confused.

And saw Adrian’s text.

_you’re the best at shower sex <3 perfect way to start the day right?_

Isak groaned and he could tell he was blushing.

“Do you want to reply?”, Even asked, his voice all amused.

“Just play fucking Candy Crush already”, Isak told him tiredly, and Even chuckled again.

Isak couldn’t help but smile because it was the first time he saw Even laugh and he realized that he liked it. A lot.

“Doctor-Patient-Confidentiality”, he reminded Even, his voice all strict.

“Yes”, Even said seriously, still grinning a little.

Isak just shook his head and left.

 

\--

 

“You’re not seriously working on a Saturday?!”

“I’m sorry, just for an hour.”

“Isak, seriously. You know I put up with a lot of your shit, but one day. One fucking day without patients, I mean, that must be possible.”

“I’ll stay home tomorrow”, Isak promised, moving closer to Adrian, hugging him, burying his face in his boyfriends chest.

Adrian sighed and leaned onto the counter behind him, “Just don’t leave today. Please.”

“I won’t be long, just an hour. It’ll be like I’m going to work out for an hour or something-“

“It’s _not_ like that! This isn’t healthy anymore, sweety!”, Adrian told him, pushing Isak off of him a little.

Isak cleared his throat, “I kind of promised one of my patients I’ll come by”, he said quietly.

“You did what?”

“I’m sorry. It’s just… okay, that patient has nobody right now, and they are, like, not in a good place. I’ll just go to see if everything is okay. They’re still taking a lot of medication and I’m worried. Okay? That’s why I want to go there for an hour. It’s not like I’m working. I’m sort of… visiting someone I’m concerned about. Is that okay?”

He felt that Adrian was hesitating, that he wasn’t that mad anymore.

“Is that the person who has depression?”, he asked quietly.

“I can’t tell you that, but you pretty much know the answer anyway, right?”, Isak asked back and was so very relieved when he felt Adrian’s hands on his lower back, pulling him closer.

“You always say that you can’t get attached”, Adrian told him, his voice concerned.

“I know. And I know this sounds fucked up. But it’s just until their parents come by, they are still on vacation. I felt like we made some progress the last week, and I don’t know how it’ll be if I’m just gone for two days.”

Adrian pulled back a little and kissed Isak: “It’s hard to be mad at you when you’re an actual fucking angel, you know that?!”

Isak smiled, kissing him again, “I know.”

“Do you have to go right now?”, Adrian asked, turning them around and lifting Isak up to sit on the counter, “or… can we… do stuff?”

Isak grinned at him, pulling him between his legs and kissing him until he was fighting for breath.

Just because he was concerned, he repeated in his head. Just until Even’s parents were back.

Just until then.

 

\--

 

Even didn’t even notice that Isak had not only ditched his boyfriend, but came in on a fucking Saturday just for him. He was lying in bed, all tired and depressed, and Isak couldn’t help to feel disappointed, because Even had already been so much better than this.

Isak talked him into a little walk through the garden, and Even gave in, but he didn’t seem happy about it. Isak bought him some chocolate, and he received that cute _almost_ smile for that, which was, well, _something_.

When they got back into Even’s room, Isak let him play Candy Crush on his personal phone, while he checked his stitches and changed the bandages.

“Next week we’ll do that ultrasound and I also got you signed up for an MRI on Tuesday I think.”

Even just nodded, while Isak taped the bandages to his chest and pulled his shirt down. Even was still wearing Isak’s shirt and his hoodie, and Isak smiled, when he gently touched the fabric of the shirt. When he looked up, he looked into Even’s icy blue eyes and cleared his throat,

“Um. I should probably go. I have- I’m- I have to go.”

“You okay?”

“Yeah. I just promised… well, I have to go, so.”

“Nagging girlfriend?”

“Something like that”, Isak murmured and took a deep breath: “I’ll see you in two days, okay?”

“You’re… you’re not going to come tomorrow?”, Even asked, looking a little disappointed.

“Mh? Yeah, I mean, of course I’ll come tomorrow”, Isak said, and Even actually smiled at him.

Isak left and wondered what else he would do for that fucking smile. And then he stopped wondering about that, because it seemed to be very dangerous to go down that road.

 

\--

 

Adrian was furious with him when he left on Sunday afternoon to go to work, and they screamed and cursed and fought until Isak was exhausted and just left, not sure if he felt desperate or guilty or just fucking pissed off.

He was still in a bad mood when he got to Even’s room, especially when Even didn’t even say Hello to him, but just kept staring at the ceiling. Isak stared at his file for a second, and he breathed away all of his natural impulses.

Like screaming at Even what the fuck he wanted from him, because he was doing everything he could imagine to help, but it never seemed to work and never seemed to be enough. He breathed away the impulse to just throw the fucking bandages at him, telling him to go fuck himself and change that shit himself. He breathed away the impulse to tell him to give the fucking hoodie back, and the impulse to shake him and curse and scream until he could get some damn reaction.

“How are you doing?”, he asked instead, voice all calm.

Even shrugged, “Not a good day.”

“How come?”, Isak asked, and sat down on Even’s bed. He didn’t know why. There was a chair right there. He didn’t know what he was doing.

Even didn’t seem to mind. He just shrugged again, frowned, seemed to try to sort his thoughts.

Isak gave him time, until Even finally answered,

“I guess I just got a lot of time to think.”

“Mhm”, Isak hummed.

“You know, questioning if would have been better if I would just have died. Stuff like that.”

Isak just nodded. He wasn’t shocked by it, and he didn’t give Even any “But life is worth living and has so much to offer” speech, because he was a realistic and sometimes cynical person, and sometimes, life was pretty messy and Isak could, in theory, understand the thought of not wanting to live it anymore.

“Sorry. Probably a shitty thing to say to you, considering you saved me”, Even continued.

“It’s okay. I won’t apologize for it, though. I’ll just hope that someday you won’t think it was such a bad move.”

“Mh”, Even hummed, shifting in bed a little, “you don’t feel bad when I tell you I didn’t want you saving me?”

“I just did my job”, Isak reminded him.

“You’re doing more than your job and we both know it”, Even said quietly and Isak smiled at him.

“I see it”, Even continued, “I know that you do more for me than I deserve, like, I know that you’re trying to help. I see it. I just can’t really appreciate it. Not right now.”

Isak grabbed his hand, ran his thumb over the back of Even’s hand,

“I know that. It’s okay. You don’t have to worry about it.”

“Okay.”

“So if you’re saying that you are not feeling better because you have too much time to think… do you think we could change that?”

“Well, my roommate is visiting me tomorrow. He’s brining me my cellphone and some stuff, so that’s good.”

“Yeah, very good.”

“And after that, my parents will come, so…”

“It’ll be better”, Isak agreed, smiling at Even again, before letting go of his hand and getting up,

“Maybe not right now, but, like, minute by minute it will get better, okay? You won’t regret me saving your life. At some point.”

“I guess I won’t”, Even agreed silently, and Isak lost himself in those icy blue eyes for a second, before taking a step back:

“I’ll change your bandages now.”

“Okay.”

Isak got to work, and Even watched every movement carefully.

 

\--

 

Even was in a really good mood on Monday and Isak had to try very hard not to take it personally. He felt insulted, somehow.

He was the one who had tried fucking everything to get Even out of his darkness, and then this damn Magnus showed up, like what, a week later, and Even was all happy about it?

Isak had walked in on them laughing about some Internet meme, and it had felt like a punch in the face. Because Even was _laughing_ , for fuck’s sakes, and it hadn’t been because of Isak. But because of some dude who didn’t even care enough to get here when Even was at his worst.

It took Isak a lot of energy and professionality to come to Even’s room that night to check on him. He had been very close to telling one of the nurses to do it instead. But he didn’t want to seem childish and in a way it was completely natural that Even was having a good time with people that he knew and loved and not with some doctor who was invading in his private life.

“Hey”, Isak said, and Even just smiled at him.

Sure, Isak thought. Don’t fucking talk to me, like you always do. He took the file, staring at the numbers without really seeing them, and told himself not to act like a fucking high school boy.

“How are you?”, Isak asked, putting the file away and reached for his disposable gloves.

“Exhausted.”

“Thought you were having a good time with your friend today.” Isak really _really_ hoped that his words wouldn’t sound offended or even jealous. Because he wasn’t. He really wasn’t.

He gestured for Even to lift his shirt – still Isak’s shirt – and Even did,

“Um, yeah. I mean, sure. But it’s… like, I don’t want him to worry. That’s why I-“ Even paused and hissed when Isak touched his skin.

“Sorry”, Isak murmured, “cold hands.”

“Mh.”

“You were saying?”

“No, it’s fine, I did have a good time with him. I’m happy he came.”

“Good.”

“Just exhausting to be around people.”

“Oh”, Isak said, still working on the stitches, “I mean, yeah, I get that. I’ll be out of your way in just a second.”

“No, you- I mean, I don’t want you to-“ Even shook his head, annoyed by his own inability to form a proper sentence. He took a deep breath:

“I’m just saying that I don’t have to pretend with you.”

“What do you mean?” Isak stopped for a second and looked at Even, hands still on his chest.

“You’re not judging me if I’m not nice to you or if I’m not in a good mood. You know, you seem to get it.”

“Oh.”

“I know it’s your job and all. Just… it’s good that I don’t have to pretend around you. I can be myself, even if that’s my depressed, rude, pain-in-the-ass self.”

Isak nodded and put the new bandages on, taping them to Even’s skin with caring touches, before looking at Even again,

“I’m glad you don’t feel like you have to pretend with me.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. It’s always better to be yourself, even if it’s your pain-in-the-ass-self, than to pretend you’re something else.”

“Did you just call me a pain in the ass? Is it okay to insult your patients like that?”, Even asked, a little amused, showing Isak his small _almost_ smile.

“It’s not insulting if it’s true”, Isak grinned and pulled down Even’s shirt, taking a step back.

Even grinned back a little, before resting against his pillow again.

“Any plans for tomorrow?”, Isak asked, “you mentioned your parents will come by soon.”

“Mh, I don’t really know… Just got my phone back today, I’ll ask them.”

“Okay. I have scheduled you for that MRI tomorrow, okay?”

Even nodded, “Okay.”

“Try not to be a jerk to the nurses”, Isak told him.

“They aren’t as nice to me as you are”, Even complained.

“They’re just doing their job. Seriously, stop being mean to them”, Isak repeated, and by the way he was looking at him, Even knew that he was being dead serious.

“I won’t. Promise”, Even said, giving Isak a small nod.

Isak smiled at him, bounced on his heels a little, before shrugging,

“Okay, then. Do you need anything else?”

“Um… not really.”

Isak smiled at him, “Good. Sleep well, then. Good night.”

“Good night, Isak”, Even smiled back.

It took Isak the whole way from his office to the parking lot to steady his breathing until he was able to ignore that weird warm feeling in his chest.

He got into his car, got out his cell phone and texted Adrian that he was on his way.

On his way home, he kept breathing, trying to ignore whatever feeling was messing with his head right now.

Because avoiding it was so much easier than actually facing it.

 

* * *

 


	3. "This is super unhealthy and not at all helping your recovery.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank all of you for your comments and for all the Kudos and for reading in general <3
> 
> I don't really have anything to say, I hope you like the new chapter, even though I personally don't get why you would be reading something like this when you could rewatch the last minute of today's clip...
> 
> That's what I'll do for the rest of the night, but if you feel like reading this instead, I hope you enjoy it and I'm always happy about feedback!
> 
> ALT ER LOVE <3 BE KIND
> 
> ...and, as of today, we all learned again: DU ER IKKE ALENE

* * *

 

 

Isak had another emergency the next day, so it was almost nine when he made it to Even’s room.

“Hey”, he said, “how was the MRI?”

“Oh, so fun”, Even said ironically.

Isak laughed a little and took the file, viewing the results. He clipped some of the pictures in Even’s file against some board that he then lit up by pressing a couple of buttons.

“Wow, just like _Scrubs_ ”, Even said.

Isak couldn’t help but laugh, “Really? You’re a _Scrubs_ fan?”

“Who isn’t?”

Isak laughed at that, before starting to explain the pictures to Even. He tried to find a balance between telling Even everything he found relevant and not going into detail too much, but by the confused look on Even’s face, he was doing pretty poorly.

Even still seemed to appreciate the small lecture, because he was listening carefully and even asked a couple of questions.

“So”, Isak ended, taking a deep breath, “everything looks really good.”

“Well, you are the master of stitches”, Even answered, making Isak laugh again.

He started chancing the bandages on Even’s stitches. It wasn’t really necessary anymore, changing them every day, but Isak liked the routine of it and so he didn’t really mind. Since the wounds were pretty deep, the healing obviously took more time and even though the stitches looked good, they were oozing a little, so Isak was just making sure that nothing became infected.

“My parents visited me today”, Even told him quietly.

“Yeah?”, Isak smiled at him.

“Mhm.”

“And, was that… good?”, Isak prompted, spraying disinfecting spray to Even’s torso.

“Yeah. Yeah. My mom got a little more concerned than necessary, but it was good.”

“Sounds great. I’m happy for you. Will they come back soon?”

“Yeah, in a couple of days. They can’t get out of work every day, but they’ll be back soon.”

Isak nodded, taping the bandages to Even’s body and pulling his shirt down. Even shifted in his bed, lifting first his chest and then his hips up a bit to help. They whole movement was completely in synch by now, Isak noticed. Like their bodies knew each other for years and synchronized their movements.

“I’m really glad that you’re starting to feel better”, Isak said, throwing his gloves and the used bandages away, “you’re really strong, you know?”

“I’m not strong”, Even chuckled, not really looking amused though, “I’m pretty pathetic.”

“If you think so. I think you’re strong.”

Isak didn’t really feel like discussing that, so he left it at that.

Even shrugged, gave Isak a small smile, “Um. Thanks.”

 

\--

 

Even eventually got better. It wasn’t really continuous, which made it hard and exhausting. Isak never knew what kind of mood Even would be in. Because there were still those dark days, or even dark hours, that kept coming, moments where nothing helped and everything seemed hopeless.

But slowly, the good moments and then the good days seemed to take over, moments and days where Even was smiling a little, talking a little, and sometimes even laughing.

The first teasing comment about Isak’s messy hair almost made Isak emotional, because that was such a huge step.

Even agreed to talk to Dr. Hansen, not regularly, it was just a one time thing for now, but it made Isak feel dizzy with relief. That talk didn’t really change anything, at least not too much. But nobody had expected that. Even wasn’t feeling magically better after their talk, neither was he now healed from all the pain he felt. It was simply one small step into the right direction, and even though the talk didn’t have an huge impact on Even, it did on Isak, because it finally took some of the weight off of him.

Even agreed to talk to the nurses a little, allowed them to take care of him, and Isak was feeling endlessly better.

Although he still was the only one allowed to touch Even. Which should have annoyed him a lot more than it did.

 

 --

 

“Hey”, Isak said when he entered Even’s room.

It was late, as always, and he had had an argument with Adrian about it being so late, as always.

“Hi”, Even answered, looking up from his phone, putting it aside when Isak came closer.

“How are you?”

“Fine.”

Isak nodded, studied some numbers on the file, more out of habit than because there was actually anything interesting to see. The medication seemed to work just fine, and there were no major side effects from the combination of medication, which was good.

“You’re not wearing your coat. Is your shift already over?”, Even asked.

“Yep.”

“Why don’t you go home to your hot girlfriend then?”

Isak didn’t answer, just pulled Even’s shirt up to change his bandages. There was their synchronized way of moving again, Isak pulling Even’s shirt up and Even moving his body just enough to make it easier for him. Isak couldn’t help but picture taking his shirt off in a slightly different scenario.

“Hot wife?”, Even kept guessing.

“None of your business”, Isak told him and couldn’t help to stare at Even’s abs when he chuckled a little.

“Come on. Look at you. You must have a really hot girlfriend waiting for you at home. Really hot blonde with a great body? Possibly a model?”

“Sounds sexist.”

“Is it true?”

“Drop it.”

“Come on, Doctor-Patient Confidentiality!”

Isak just shook his head, taping the new bandages to Even’s chest and stomach.

He pulled Even’s shirt down and Even’s body moved along perfectly.

“So… no hot girlfriend?”

Isak rolled his eyes and took a deep breath, “Boyfriend actually. And we’re not on the best terms right now.”

“How come?”

“Well, try having a functioning relationship when you’re working 50 hours a week.”

“Huh. Maybe you should work a little less.”

Isak sighed, getting out of his gloves and washing his hands, “Yes, so I’ve been told.”

“Why are you here, then?”, Even asked quietly.

And Isak hated him for it, because he didn’t want to answer that question. He didn’t want to ask that question, he didn’t even want that question to exist.

He was good with emotions and feelings and all that crap, but right now something was happening that he couldn’t really place or understand and it made him lose his mind.

“I like my job, so.”

“Mhm.”

“Okay. Enough of this. I’ll see you tomorrow for your ultrasound, okay? I’ll come by around noon.”

“Okay.”

“Good night”, Isak smiled and turned to leave the room.

“Isak?”, Even asked, when Isak had already reached the door.

“Mh?”

“Thank you.”

 

\--

 

“Okay. This is just water-based gel that will-“

“So, basically lube”, Even interrupted. He was in a good mood after Isak had brought him a candy bar this morning. Not that Isak had anything against it. Even was cute when he was in a good mood.

Still, Isak rolled his eyes at the comment, “Pretty much. Now, it might be a little cold, so-“

“I don’t know if you’re familiar with the concept, but the gentle way is to warm it up a little.”

Isak groaned and ran his hand through his hair, “Shut up!”

“It’s okay if you don’t want to be gentle with me”, Even kept teasing, and Isak just didn’t get where this was coming from.

He squeezed some of the gel onto Even’s skin and ran the ultrasound over his chest, looking at what looked like a black-and-white Rorschach-test pattern to Even on the screen.

Some med-student entered the room, standing next to Isak and he explained some stuff to her. Even kept quiet, because Isak looked so fucking good when he was concentrated like that. Apparently the med-student thought so, too, judging by the way she was basically drooling over Isak’s shoulder. Even couldn’t really judge, though. He got it.

“Everything looks good”, Isak told him, stepping back and letting the med-student take the ultrasound, joking and laughing with her a little too long, before she got out of the room.

Isak turned around to Even again, to clean up Even’s chest.

Even watched him, before he smirked at Isak,

“How gentleman of you to clean me up afterwards.”

Isak didn’t know what to answer, which is why he told him to shut the fuck up before leaving the room.

Maybe he was wrong. Maybe depressed, pain-in-the-ass Even would have been easier to handle.

 

\--

 

When Isak walked into Even’s room the next day, his parents – or at least Isak assumed they were his parents – were sitting beside his bed.

“Hi”, Isak said, approaching the bed, smile all professional and winning.

“Dr. Isak Valtersen”, he said to them, expanding his hand, “I’m the operating doctor at Even’s case.”

They introduced themselves, and Even’s mom held on to his hand a second too long, before winking at Even, “I mean, you said he was cute, but I didn’t think he was that handsome.”

Isak laughed, and Even rolled his eyes.

“So. How are you today? Still feeling okay?”

“Yeah. The stitches are starting to itch, though. Is that bad?”

“It’s pretty common, but I’ll take a look at it later if you want. Are you doing okay with your medication? No dizziness or anything? Are you eating okay?”

Isak ignored the look Even’s mom gave him, as if she was already planning some bizarre wedding with small versions of him and Even on top on some fancy cake or something. Even’s father just looked amused, probably because Even seemed to be a little embarrassed.

“Everything’s fine. I’m still not that hungry, but that’s normal, too?”

“Can be a side effect of your medication, can also be a side effect of very bad hospital food”, Isak joked, and Even laughed, shaking his head a little at Isak’s joke.

“Maybe you need to get me something better”, he teased.

“Tss”, Isak grinned at him, “I’ll give you some more time now. I’ll be back tonight and look at your stitches okay?” He turned to Even’s parents, “Do you have any questions?”

“You’re not wearing a ring”, Even’s mom said, and Isak saw Even cover his face with his hands, groaning with embarrassment, “so you’re not married?”

“No, but I’m not available, sorry”, he smiled and put the file back.

“Shame”, Even’s mom sighed and shrugged, when both Even and her husband looked at her like she was crazy, “What? Doesn’t hurt to ask!”

Isak looked at Even once more, and they locked eyes for a silent second, “See you later?”

“Yeah.”

 

\--

 

When Isak got back to Even’s room later, he was carrying a bag of McDonald’s. He was hiding it behind an empty file a little bit, because he didn’t feel like explaining this. He also knew that he couldn’t explain this, because he didn’t know what the fuck had gotten into him.

“Hey”, he greeted Even, handing him the brown paper bag.

“Are you fucking serious?”, Even beamed at him, opening up the bag.

Isak didn’t bother to look at his file, and sat down in the chair next to Even’s bed, “Just thought you might like it. And just for the record, as your doctor I need to tell you that this is super unhealthy and not at all helping your recovery.”

“Noted.”

“Also, if you tell anyone, I’ll kill you.”

“Don’t worry. Doctor-Patient-Confidentiality.”

Isak smiled and reached up to steal some French fries.

They ate in silence, other than Even’s moans of pleasure, which made Isak a little weak in the knees.

“You’re a really cool doctor”, Even said when he was finished, and Isak got up, threw the garbage away and opened a window, because the whole room smelled of fries and chicken nuggets.

“I know”, he said, stepping closer, “can I change your bandages now?”

“Sure.”

Isak put on his gloves and stepped closer, pushing Even’s shirt up.

He removed the bandages and looked at the stitches.

“You smell really good”, Even said, his voice a little teasing, but also quiet and soft.

Isak didn’t answer, and sprayed Even’s body with some disinfecting spray, moving his hands over the parts that were stitched up.

“Or maybe that’s just because I haven’t showered in like a week”, Even continued.

“You can shower with those”, Isak told him, all serious and professional, as if Even was asking actual questions and not shamelessly flirting, “just don’t use any soap or something, only water. And be careful when you dry them, don’t use a towel, just let it air dry or have some of the nurses take care of it.”

“Any chance you’ll help me shower?”, Even asked, all innocent.

“Your stitches look good, by the way. Maybe we’ll remove some of them in the next few days. Just one of them is a little infected, but nothing bad. I’ll give you some antibiotics for it, and the pain killers should stop the itching.”

“Aren’t you the master of stitches? How come it got infected?”, Even teased, smiling up at Isak.

“I am, but this can still happen, it has nothing to do with the stitches. I’ll put some antibiotic stuff on there, okay? And get you some pills for the night.”

“You’re so sweet”, Even said.

“Be right back”, Isak told him and got out of the room.

He could handle Even teasing him, but he had a hard time handling that. Compliments. Even’s soft voice. When he talked like that, he sounded… honest. Like he meant every word. And Isak didn’t really know what that would mean, if he actually meant every word.

He looked at his phone, saw a couple of texts from Adrian, asking where he was. He really needed to get his shit together. He should just go home, take care of his boyfriend, and let some nurse do their fucking job.

Instead, he went to the room where they kept medicine and bandages and got everything he needed. He didn’t talk to Even when he treated the slightly infected wound, just put clean bandages on him, handed him the pills, and Even seemed to sense that Isak wasn’t in a talking mood anymore.

“Thanks”, he just said, when Isak stood there, all finished with his work.

“Yeah”, he mumbled, running his hand through his hair and looked at Even.

He wanted to kiss him. He had been trying really hard not to let this particular feeling hit him, but fuck, he wanted to kiss him so fucking bad.

Hell, he would like jump onto that hospital bed and remove that fucking shirt for good this time, he would like to spread his legs for that man, he would like to grind and suck and lick and-

“Isak?”

“Um. I got to go home now. Um. Sleep tight.”

“Will you check on me tomorrow?”, Even asked.

“Yeah. Maybe. Yeah.”

“Sure you okay? You can tell me. Doctor-Patient-Confidentiality.”, Even smiled at him.

Isak smiled back, but just shook his head, wished him a good night and went home to his boyfriend.

They ate and laughed and Isak lied on Adrian’s bed with his legs spread, and kissed and sucked and licked and got fucked. Hard and deep and just the way he loved it.

Only that when he came, he didn’t look at his boyfriend, because he was picturing somebody else.

 

\--

 

“I actually took a shower today!”, Even told him when he entered his room the next evening.

“Oh really?”

“Yeah. I feel like I’ve been reborn.”

“Wow.”

Even grinned at him. He was wearing a black shirt and a blue hoodie over it, Isak’s clothes were lying on the chair next to his bed. He looked good in blue, it highlighted his eyes, Isak thought. The bruises on his cheekbones were pretty much gone at this point, just very light shadows of yellow. And the scratches and wounds on his chin and forehead had pretty much healed. But what made him look so much better were definitely his eyes, all sparkly and _alive_ somehow.

“And all the stitches survived your shower ceremony?”, Isak asked, bouncing on his heels while he stood next to Even’s bed.

“Yeah. Sadly, you weren’t there, so I had to take care of them all by myself.”

“Shame.”

“Mh.”

Isak nodded towards Even’s hand, “How’s that going?”

Even held up his hand, still wrapped in a casket, “The nurse covered it up with a plastic bag. It didn’t really ad to the shower fun though.”

“I bet.”

“It was still pretty good. I mean, not the kind of fun you have in your shower, apparently, but good enough.”

Isak blushed, then shook his head, “Shut it.”

“How is that boyfriend of yours, anyway?”

“Good.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Wow, you’re really good at sharing”, Even teased, shifting in his bed.

“It’s not really an appropriate place to share stuff.”

“Come on.”

“He’s great. What do you want to hear?”, Isak asked, rolling his eyes, acting all annoyed.

He wasn’t, though. He liked that Even was noisy and curious. Part of him wanted Even to be part of his love life so badly. But the closest he could get to that really weird fantasy was probably Even invading in his private life like this, talking about it. And it felt weird, but Isak still liked it, because it meant that they were closer somehow.

“What does he do? Like, for a living?”

“He’s a lawyer.”

Even raised his eyebrows, “Really?”

Isak laughed, “Yeah, why?”

“So you’re one of those power couples. All rich and successful and stuff?”

“Pretty much.”

Even nodded, “Lucky guy.”

Isak smiled, nodded, looked away, “I sure am.”

“I meant him”, Even teased, voice all soft.

Isak just rolled his eyes, but smiled back for a short moment.

“So… why are you spending your free time with me, and not with him?”

Isak froze, looking up at Even, and felt himself blush under the gaze of those mesmerizing eyes. Fuck. This would be a really good time to speak, and possibly say something not inappropriate. Not something like _because I picture your face when he fucks me_.

“It’s my job”, he said instead, which, okay, was weak, but it was better than what he was thinking.

“Ah.”

“Chill. I’m just taking care of you, it’s not like we’re having sex in your hospital bed.”

“Maybe we should change that”, Even smirked, and fuck, this guy really had zero boundaries.

“You have broken ribs, you can’t do shit right now.”

“Ohhhhh”, Even teased, “so that’s the reason we’re not having sex? You’re really going to let some broken ribs stand in your way?”

Isak rolled his eyes again, and then hopped onto the empty bed next to Even’s burying his hands in the pocket of his hoodie,

“So, what’s your story?”

“Mh?”

“Any hot girlfriend you got worried sick at home?”

“Nah. Not right now.”

“How come?”

“I’m not the easiest person to be around. I had a girlfriend for several years, and it was really hard on her, all this being bipolar shit. At some point, I was tired of her always controlling me, and she was tired of… well, all of it, I guess.”

Isak nodded, “I know that’s not easy for either side.”

“Yeah, it’s not.”

“Mhm. And… what do you do for a living?”

“I’m not a super rich lawyer, so I’m guessing my job won’t get me any points.”

Isak laughed, not answering, just looked at Even.

“I work at a movie production firm.”

“Doing what?”

“Directing.”

“Wow, cool.”

“You think?”

“Yeah. Why not?”

“Just… most people with jobs like yours seem to think their job is so much more important than doing something like I do.”

Isak shrugged, “I mean, it’s my job to fix people, but who’s to say a movie can’t do the same?”

Even smiled at him, nodding slowly, “Wow”, he said quietly and Isak just returned the smile.

They were quiet for some time, before Isak jumped off of the bed,

“Okay, enough socializing for today. I got to go home.”

“Shower sex with the lawyer?”, Even teased.

Isak lifted his hands, “You really have no boundaries whatsoever.”

Even grinned at him, “No.”

Isak took a deep breath, “Good night, Even.”

“See you tomorrow”, Even smiled, and Isak turned around to leave.

“Hey, Isak?”, Even called after him when he had reached the door.

“Mh?”

“Will you picture me in the shower while you’re in the shower?”, Even teased.

“I won’t”, Isak murmured and left, hearing Even’s laughter follow him.

But he did.

 

* * *

 


	4. "So you’re rich and you like to cuddle. Everybody does."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3
> 
> I'm really overwhelmed, thank you so much for all of the comments and Kudos <3
> 
> There you go, the next chapter! I really hope you like it, can't wait for your feedback!
> 
> Thanks for helping me figure it out beutisometimes <3 wouldn't be possible without you!
> 
> Oh and if anybody is disappointed about today's clip and wants to talk about it, find me on Twitter... I'm still not sure how to get through it honestly...
> 
> ALT ER LOVE <3 BE KIND

* * *

 

 

“Fy faen!”, Even all but shouted, eyes wide and surprised.

“I hope you like it, I didn’t know what you usually get, so”, Isak said, handing over a wrapped subway sandwich.

“You are the best fucking doctor the world has ever seen”, Even praised.

“The best fucking doctor probably made hearts start beating again, and didn’t bring their patients unhealthy food”, Isak grinned, watching Even’s beaming smile while unwrapping the sandwich.

“For what it’s worth, you make my heart start beating, too”, Even flirted, and Isak rolled his eyes, helped Even hold the sandwich, “Don’t get in all on your plaster cast.”

“Want to lick it?”, Even offered, holing his thumb up to Isak.

“Want to go fuck yourself?”, Isak shot back, wrapping the sandwich up a little so it didn’t get on Even’s cast. Or at least not all of it. Then he let Even eat, while he played on his phone for a few minutes, before he grabbed the file.

“I think you’ll be ready to go home in a couple of days”, Isak told him, as he kept studying the file.

Even looked up from the subway sandwich,

“Seriously? I don’t feel like I can do stuff”, he said.

“We’ll have to remove your stitches, but technically you can just come back in in a few days and we’ll do it then. I want to do another MRI on that hand, because it was pretty… well, it took a lot of work in surgery and I just want to check if everything’s good. But that’s pretty much it. But it’s your choice. I don’t know how busy your roommate is, and if he could take care of you for the next week or something.”

“Unlikely”, Even said, chewing, “maybe I should just stay until you got my hand all fixed up and then go home.”

“Yeah, sure. Whatever you need.”

“I think I would just feel better if I’m here and you can fix me when something’s wrong.”

“Nothing’s going to be wrong”, Isak assured him.

“You don’t know that. I could be bleeding internally right now”, Even pointed out, licking his fingers. Isak wasn’t exactly sure if Even knew that the way he curled that smooth tongue around his fingers, sucking on them lightly, did have a certain effect on Isak. He probably knew, because he looked Isak dead in the eye while he sucked on his index-finger.

Isak cleared his throat and ignored Even’s hands, reaching over him to get the wrapping paper to throw it out,

“You’re not bleeding internally.”

“If it’s internal, you can’t tell!”

“Trust me, I can.”

“There’s no fooling you, huh?”

“Nope.”

Isak returned to Even’s bed, nodding towards his broken hand: “Does it hurt?”

“No. I can’t feel that much yet.”

“Mh. As I said, we’ll get that checked out in the next couple of days”, Isak nodded, getting his cell phone out, to create a note so that he would remember to book time on the MRI on his way out.

“Making plans for shower sex again?”

Isak let his hand sink: “Making plans to get your hand checked out, genius. And I don’t have shower sex, like, everyday.”

“But most days.”

“No, not most days.”

“Your boyfriend is capable of seeing that hot ass of yours and not do anything about it?”, Even stared at him in disbelief, “is something wrong with him?”

“Huh? No. And don’t say shit like that.”

“Is he suffering from erectile dysfunction?”, Even asked with an overly concerned, low voice, and his eyes had that teasing sparkle in them that Isak hated – and loved – so much.

“Ugh, dude, shut the fuck up”, Isak groaned.

“Must be hard to live with that”, Even nodded, still looking so very concerned, “or, I mean, I’m guessing _hard_ is exactly what it isn’t.”

Isak couldn’t help it. This may be crossing the last and final line, but he punched Even’s shoulder.

“Ouch!”

Isak just shook his head, “You’re just unbelievable.”

“Thank you.”

“I didn’t mean it in a good way. And don’t think you’ll get your cookie after this!”

Even stared at Isak, a beaming, sunny smile slowly spreading across his face.

Isak rolled his eyes again, “What?”

“You got me a cookie?”

“Ugh.”

“You got me a cookie!”

“Don’t flatter yourself, I got a menu and it’s just part of it”, Isak said.

“If you got a menu, then where is my Coke?”, Even demanded.

“Are you listening to yourself?” Isak stared at him, not sure if he should be pissed off or amused by Even’s demanding side. Or, maybe, a little turned on.

“Can I have my cookie?”

“Can you kiss my ass?”

“Happily.”

“Ugh.”

Isak moved to the other bed, where the subway bag was still standing, and got another, smaller bag out of it that held three chocolate chip cookies.

“There you go”, he said, handing them to Even.

“Did I tell you lately that you’re the best?”

“It came up.”

Even got one of the cookies out, handing it to Isak. When Isak hesitated to take it, he widened his eyes,

“Oh God, are you one of those people?”

“Huh?”

“Like, eating a vegan diet and only eating healthy whole foods and shit like that?”

“No”, Isak said and took the cookie, “what the fuck, I ate French fries with you the other day.”

“Yeah, they’re vegan though, right?”

“If I was eating a vegan diet and healthy whole foods, I wouldn’t eat McDonalds”, Isak explained, “anyway, I just thought you wanted to save the other two cookies for tomorrow or something.”

“Aw, baby, I’m happy to share with you.”

Isak shook his head, taking a bite of the cookie, “You do realize that I’m taken, yes?”

“Yeah, by a person who has erectile dysfunction”, Even shrugged, “so?”

“You’re the worst”, Isak told him, and for a moment, Even thought he would leave, but instead, Isak sat down on the spare bed and started picking his cookie apart, eating tiny little pieces of it,

“So, now that I know that you direct, what did you think of the new Star Wars movie?”

 

\--

 

Talking about movies became a thing. Isak liked it, and he started spending even more time with Even. He stopped having his lunch break with his colleagues, and instead hung out with Even.

He didn’t really know if Even timed all the visits of his friends, who came by more frequently now, just right, but every time Isak had his lunch break, Even was alone and they spend an hour together.

Isak kept telling himself that this was just some weird form of friendship that he just never experienced before, that he was still helping Even over his depressive episode, that he was just taking care of his patient.

That maybe this was some weird kind of crush, some weird, confused feelings that were going to pass. Sometimes doctors felt like that when they took a lot of care of their patients. It was probably normal, he told himself, and definitely nothing that would justify throwing a perfect 5-year relationship away for.

He pretty much told himself anything that made the fact, that Even’s face kept popping up in his thoughts whenever Adrian got anywhere near Isak’s dick, somehow okay.

Just that it wasn’t okay. And Isak knew. And he had never felt this guilty in his entire life.

 

\--

 

“Okay. _How cuddly are you – take the quiz and find_ out”, Even read out, reaching for the pencil on his nightstand.

“The fuck”, Isak mumbled, reaching for another cookie.

He was sitting on Even’s bed, they had a box of cookies set between them and chilled. Isak was on his break right now, so the white coat was neatly hung over one of the chairs and he was wearing a black long sleeve shirt. They had been down at the gift shop and got a bunch of magazines, flipping through them, and now Even was determined to make Isak take all of the ridiculous tests. They had already established that Isak was good with money, and now Even had moved on to more intimate themes.

“First question; _You’re slouched on the sofa watching television with your other half. Do you…, A, Give them a big hug as soon as they sit down, B, Move towards each other slowly and end up in a position that allows you both to access your phones or C, Politely cordon off your end of the sofa. It’s your space, not a shared space_.”

Isak frowned, “Are people seriously answering that?”

“They sure are, and so are you”, Even told him, pointing the pen at him.

“It depends, though”, Isak explained, gesturing with the cookie in hand, “like if I’m watching a series or a movie that I really like, I wouldn’t be on my phone, but if it’s just some show that I’m not interested in, then it’s different.”

Even rolled his eyes, “You’re exhausting. Just answer the question, I really want to do the _What kind of lover are you_ test with you.”

“Not going to happen”, Isak told him, “and, well, A I guess.”

“Aha. I knew it!!”

Five questions later, when Even had established that Isak was, in fact, “The Cuddliest!”, and Isak had finished all of the cookies, Even moved on to the next magazine.

“Now let’s see what the lovely _Cosmopolitan_ has in store!”

“Dude, I think you found out enough for one day.”

“I already knew you were good with money, you drive a fucking Tesla.”

“How do you know I drive a Tesla? Are you stalking me or something?”

“I saw your car key the other day. Anyway, I’d hardly say that I found something out about you. So you’re rich and you like to cuddle. Everybody does.”

Isak thought about that for a second, before he gestured towards the magazine,

“That magazine is for women, though, I can’t answer those questions”, he complained.

“Yeah, you can. It’s going to be how they like their men, so it will be pretty easy for you. Okay. Let’s go. _Are you good in bed? Take the quiz and find out_!”

“I can spare you the time. Yes. I’m sensational in bed”, Isak said seriously.

Even chuckled and winked at him,

“Even though I believe you, I may need some confirmation. Okay, first question! _When it comes to sex positions, you,  A, Sometimes try different things, sometimes stick to classics. It depends on what you’re both in the mood for, B, Change up every night – you’re not afraid to try anything and will insist on it with anyone, or C, Tend to stick to a couple of favorites or what he suggests, but you’re not too keen on doing anything too out there_.”

Even smirked at him, raising an eyebrow in question.

“I’m not answering that bullshit.”

“Isak, everything you tell me is doctor-patient-confidential. It won’t leave this room.”

“It also won’t leave my mouth.”

“Interesting, but I think that’s another question.”

“Ugh”, Isak groaned, “fine. A.”

“Mhmmm”, Even hummed, circling the answer, “okay, second question. _You’re having sex with a new guy, what are you thinking about?_ Wow, now this should be interesting…”

“Ugh.”

“ _A, Just how he can get you off. You know he’s going to need a little more construction”,_ Even read, trying really hard not to laugh, _“B, There’s not so much thinking as doing and seeing what works and what doesn’t, or C, your appearance. Hopefully he’s okay with everything down there_ -“ Even started laughing.

Isak rolled his eyes, “It’s so obvious which answers will get you the best result.”

“Baby, it’s just a quiz in a magazine, don’t be so condescending. And a lot of people are worried if everything’s okay down there”, he explained, a grin on his face.

“Fine. B.”

“Surprising.”

“Fuck you.”

“Okay. Next. _So honestly, how do you feel about your body when you’re having sex? A, confident some days, but others you’re just really glad the lights are out, B, it’s hot without question, and that guy’s lucky to be doing anything with it_ – okay, B.”

“Huh? You didn’t even read C.”

“It doesn’t fit. I already answered B. Next one.”

“You can’t just answer for me!”

“Why not?”

“Because you never really saw my body! How would you know if it’s hot?”

“I’m gonna go with my instinct and say B. If you feel like showing me evidence against that, you are welcome to do so.”

Isak just rolled his eyes.

“Moving on. _Where’s your mind when you’re having sex? A, Typically on the moment itself. You might have a stray here and there, but you’re mainly focused on just really connecting with who you’re with, B, kind of hoping it’s going well the entire time with a couple of flashed of things you need to do after, or C, Everywhere. Sex is kind of an empowering, big thoughts time for you_ ”, Even managed to get out before he burst into laughing.

“Definitely C. Big thoughts. I’m writing my first novel in my mind whenever I have sex”, Isak joked.

“Who the fuck answers that?”, Even shook his head, circling another answer.

“What did you do?”

“I’m guessing A, right?”

“Why do I even have to be here, if you’re just answering for me all the time?”

“Because I have the good cookies”, Even pointed out.

“I bought those!”

“Anyway. Oh, I like this one. _How big a deal is masturbation to you? A-_ “

“Fuck it, this is ridiculous”, Isak mumbled, trying to get up.

Even laughed and grabbed his hand, “Come on, it’s just harmless fun.”

“You’re acting like you’re 13 years old.”

“So? Come on. Please?”

Isak just rolled his eyes and sat back on Even’s bed, gesturing for him to read the answers.

“ _A, It’s kind of part of your morning routine, you’ve gone through multiple vibrators this year, B, Not a huge one, it’s fine when done, but it’s not like oxygen, it’s not really a priority for you, or C, It’s part of your life, sure, but you don’t have to do it everywhere_.”

“That quiz is kind of offensive, honestly.”

“Why?”

“I mean, they are just generalizing that everybody gets themselves off. There are plenty of people, plenty of women, that don’t do that.”

Even rolled his eyes, “Again, Isak, this is Cosmopolitan. It’s not supposed to be good. Now. I really want to hear how you feel about masturbation. If you don’t answer, I’ll circle morning routine.”

“Tsss.”

“Multiple vibrators this year, impressive”, Even winked at him, and Isak was really _really_ hoping that he wasn’t blushing.

“Fine. I don’t know. C.”

“You don’t have to do it everywhere?”, Even repeated, circling the answer, “have you seen you?”

“Fuck you. Just read the next one.”

“Okay, last question-“

“Finally.”

“Tssss. _In bed, you are, A, Very in the moment. You don’t really hold back, but you aren’t screaming 24/7, B, pretty quiet, you’ll occasionally sigh to let him know you aren’t asleep though_ -“ Even started laughing, “ _or C, Very loud, he should know how good a job he is (or isn’t) doing_.”

Even looked at Isak, who shrugged, “Forget it, I’m not answering.”

“Why not?”

“Because this is pointless. How is how vocal somebody is during sex any kind of indication if they’re good in bed?”

“Again, don’t hate on Cosmopolitan. They probably had an underpaid intern set up this quiz. Come on, just answer.”

“I don’t want to answer that.”

“Okay, so C.”

“What?”

“If you don’t want to answer, that means that you probably scream at the top of your lungs all the time.”

“Fuck you. Just take the first one or whatever.”

“Okay, so C…”, Even circled the answer, and Isak just rolled his eyes.

“So, counting all of your points, you are… _Pretty good_.”

“Pretty good?”

“Yeah.”

“That can’t be right.”

Even burst into laughter, “What, you’re offended?”

“No, I just- Pretty good, seriously? I’m far better than pretty good.”

“Is that so?”

“Mh.”

“I’m gonna need proof of that.”

“Ugh, fuck you.”

Isak got up and threw the empty cookie box away before checking his phone,

“I should get back to work. Anybody visiting you today?”

“My mom, and I think a friend of mine will come by later.”

“Oh great. Your mom seems really nice.”

Even smiled, “Yeah, she is.”

“Do you have a good relationship with them? I was kind of worried that they didn’t come here sooner.”

“Really good. They’re just really chill with everything. Years of experience I guess. It would take far more than a car accident to make them freak out, you know?”

“Sounds chill.”

“They are. Honestly, I couldn’t deal with overly concerned parents who would be acting like the world just ended just because I’m depressed. They know me well enough to know that I need my alone time when things get hard, and they respect that.”

“Sounds like you got it all figured out”, Isak nodded, smiling at Even.

“Yeah, you know, after the 10th depressive episode, you kind of catch on.”

“Guess so.”

“Sorry if my mom made you uncomfortable the other day”, Even added, offering him a small grin.

Isak laughed, “It’s fine. I get that a lot.”

“You do?”

“Yeah. Moms love me.”

 “So you get checked out by your patient’s moms all the time?”

“Not all the time, but it happens.”

“Wow.”

“What, did you think you’re the first patient of mine that flirts with me?”

“No, just didn’t know I had that much competition.”

Isak considered telling him again that he was in a very happy relationship, but he was kind of tired of emphasizing that, so he just shrugged,

 “Okay, if you don’t need anything else, I hope you have a good day, and I’ll see you tonight?”

“Yeah. Perfect.”

“Bye, Even.”

 

\--

 

“You didn’t bring me anything?”, Even asked the next evening, when Isak entered his room empty-handed.

“Do you think I spend six years in university to become your food delivery boy?”, Isak shot back, moving to Even’s left side and nodded towards his hand,

“Still not feeling anything?”

“Feeling a lot of things. Especially when I see you.”

“In your hand I mean.”

“Most of my feelings towards you are located in other body parts.”

Isak closed his eyes, praying for patience, “Even, please.”

“Begging will just increase those… feelings. If you know what I mean.”

Isak just looked at him with what he hoped was a very strict and serious gaze, and Even raised his eyebrows,

“And if you look at me like _that_ , it will get even worse.”

“Even!”

“Mmmh, saying my name. You already know all of my kinks, don’t you?”, Even kept teasing.

Yes. Isak definitely missed depressed, pain-in-the-ass Even by now.

He took a deep breath, and stepped back, until he was standing at the foot of Even’s bed. He just looked at Even, serious and a little concerned.

Even frowned, then shook his head, trying to smile, “Isak, I was kidding.”

“Even, we need to clear some things up…”, Isak started, and Even interrupted him,

“Isak, really, I- I was just joking, okay? Chill.”

Isak shook his head and cleared his throat,

“Listen, I don’t really know you, so I don’t know if it’s just your, I don’t know, personal style to be flirty around other people or something, but I just don’t want to give you any… false hope.”

“Isak-“

“I’m happy with my boyfriend, okay? And if I gave you some… idea or something, then I’m sorry, but taking care of you is my job and that’s all this is. So maybe just- I don’t know, I mean, just don’t misinterpret any of this as me being interested in you or anything. Okay?”

“We both know you don’t take care of all of your patients like you did for me”, Even said, raising his chin a little as if he was ready to fight Isak on this.

“Yeah, I- whatever, okay? I wanted you to feel better. I want all my patients to feel better and with you I had to put in a little more… effort. That’s it, though.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”, Isak sounded relieved.

“Yeah. Whatever you need to tell yourself”, Even said, sounding a little resigned.

“I- Let’s just do some tests on your hand. Can I? Without you making dumb comments?”, Isak asked, looking at Even as strict and emotionless as he could manage.

“Fine.”

“So. Are you feeling anything?”, he tried again.

“Not really. Is that bad?”, he asked.

“Let me see”, Isak mumbled, getting something out of his coat pocket that looked like a needle.

“What exactly are you doing? Because I saw a movie once, and to test if the person was not, like, paralyzed anymore, they pushed a needle into his foot to hit some nerves or something!”

“You really watch too many movies”, Isak said, “I’m just checking something.”

He started poking each of Even’s fingers in different positions, asking Even not to look and tell him whether or not he could feel it and if he could feel if he was poking him with the sharp end or not. Even was a little distracted by the fact that Isak’s other hand was holding Even’s fingers carefully, but he managed to actually give feedback.

“Okay, some nerves are pretty… well, it’s not too good. This may be because we did a lot of work in there and they’re just a little infected, or we may have damaged some of them. I have scheduled an MRI scan for tomorrow and we’ll check.”

“Ah. And what if they’re damaged?”

“If they’re just infected we can get that under control with some antibiotics. If they are damaged we have to operate again”, Isak said, which made Even flinch.

“We’ll have to operate anyway, to get the screws out of there”, Isak told him, his fingers still holding Even’s for some reason, “or else you’ll set off the metal detector at the airport every time you try to fly.”

“Really?”

“Mh. A friend of mine is a pretty passionate skateboarder and he got injured once and they had to screw his arm back together. We spend some time traveling together shortly after that, trust me, it was hell”, Isak grinned and let go of Even’s hand, to scribble some notes into Even’s by now pretty thick file.

“Okay, so another MRI scan”, Even concluded.

“Mhm”, Isak hummed, not looking up from the file, “sorry about that.”

“No, it’s fine”, Even answered, taking a deep breath, looking at Isak.

The kept staring at each other for a few more moments, before Isak mumbled something about other patients and took a step back, ready to head for the door.

“Isak?”, Even called after him and Isak closed his eyes, and stopped walking, back turned to Even.

“You know when I asked you why you spend all of you free time with me instead of your boyfriend?”

Isak rolled his eyes, turning around to look at Even, raising both of his hands in a questioning gesture:

“Yeah. Why.”

“Maybe you should think about whether ‘Because it’s my job’ is actually your answer or just some excuse.”

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The rididulous quiz they do actually exists by the way:
> 
> http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a26964/cosmo-quiz-are-you-good-in-bed/
> 
> So all of the questions and answers are taken from that quiz and I didn't think of them myself.


	5. “You’re the only one who’s allowed to touch me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's 22:22 now <3
> 
> One hour and one minute late, but here is the new chapter!
> 
> I'm really overwhelmed with all of your Kudos and comments, all the feedback you gave me and all the thoughts you shared with me, thank you so much! Some days, reading those comments is the only thing that kind of keeps me motivated, so thank all of you so much!
> 
> I hope you like the newest chapter and I'm super interested in your thoughts about this one as well!
> 
> The story is still a work in progress, so it's not done yet, but I'm thinking that it will have one more chapter. Maybe I will think about an Epilouge or something, but I'll just have to see what happens when I write it, I guess.
> 
> Have fun reading and thank all of you again <3
> 
> ALT ER LOVE <3 BE KIND

* * *

 

 

“Hey you”, Sana greeted, sitting down next to Isak in the cafeteria.

“Hey.”

“Heard that patient of yours is back to his old bitchy self.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah”, Sana said, while starting to eat her salad, “Elise had to do an MRI on him today, and apparently he was a real jerk to her.”

“Mhm.”

“Know anything about it?”, Sana asked, giving him her signature gaze.

“Huh? No.”

“Did you check the results?”

“No.”

Sana rolled her eyes, “Isak. What’s going on with you?”

“Nothing.”

“Don’t _Nothing_ me, do you really think that after 10 years with your grumpy ass, I would fall for that?”

“I don’t have to hold his fucking hand when they do an MRI on him, right? Is it my fault that he’s being difficult, am I the only one who has to deal with patients whenever they’re bitchy or annoying or being fucking exhausting? I have other things to do, I don’t have time to check his fucking results, and I don’t have time to check on him 24/7!”, Isak exploded, raising his voice.

Sana looked at him, unimpressed, before gently touching his hand,

“Isak. What’s going on.”

Isak took a few deep breaths and shrugged, before he looked at her, “Not here?”, he pleaded, and she nodded.

They kept eating quietly, until they were both finished. Sana fought off some med-students who were trying to shove x-rays in their faces, asking for opinions, and they walked to the elevators.

Isak wished they had a more awesome place to talk. In movies, people always seemed to talk on rooftops. He didn’t really know why, and immediately thought about asking Even about it. The thought hurt.

Instead, they sat on the windowsill in one of the rarely used staircases. Nobody used the stairs, not when there were perfectly functioning elevators, which is why they always sat here. The view wasn’t really nice, they could just oversee the different buildings of the hospital complex, but it was good enough.

Isak cleared his throat, appreciating that Sana didn’t have that knowing gaze on her face anymore, but was just looking at him, fond and concerned.

“Um. Okay. So you know I’ve been spending a lot of time with Even, right?”

“Yeah.”

“And at first, it was because he just didn’t talk to anybody but me, and I was concerned. He’s bipolar. He was having a depressive episode when he got here. They assume he was manic, that’s probably how the accident happened, but we don’t really know anything for sure. Um, anyway. I was taking care of him, because he didn’t let anybody else.”

“Mhm.”

Isak loved many things about Sana. Her smile, for example, her eyes, the way she always seemed to know everything, working with her, the fact that she was too smart for her own good sometimes. But mostly he loved how she never judged him. Ever since he had carefully asked her how Islam saw homosexuality, basically coming out to her, she had been nothing but understanding and honest.

“Um. But he- I mean, he’s better now. I just- we still spend time together, you know?”, Isak asked, hoping that she would get what he was saying.

And of course, she did, “He means something to you?”

“Mhm. I don’t fucking know. I like him. Like, we talk and he’s just… nice. I don’t know. But lately, he’s been… he’s been flirting with me a lot.”

“Mhm”, Sana hummed, still looking at him fondly.

Isak leaned his head back against the wall, exhausted, “And I’ve been… I mean he knows about Adrian, but I’ve been… I don’t know, I probably flirted back. A little.”

He looked at her carefully, and she just smiled a little, nodding towards him to go on.

“It’s not… perfect, with Adrian, I mean, relationships never are, right? But I’m still happy with him, and I told Even that.”

“Mhm.”

“Yeah, but he- I mean, he-“

Isak closed his eyes, his jaw tensed up and his chest felt even tighter.

“Isak, it’s okay”, Sana said, “whatever it is, it’s okay.”

“He kind of asked me, once, why I spend all my time with him and not with Adrian. Sort of. And I told him that I just like my job. You know, that me taking care of him and spending time with him is my job and- yeah.”

“Mhm.”

“And last night he- he kind of asked me to think about whether ‘It’s my job’”, Isak said, using airquotes, “is the truth or just some excuse.”

Sana raised her eyebrows, nodding slowly, “Wow. That guy really knows how to ask the right questions.”

Isak shrugged, closed his eyes again and then ran a hand through his hair, “I’m the worst fucking person ever.”

“What did you answer?”

“Nothing. I left.”

“Mature.”

“Bite me.”

They both chuckled a little, and Isak took another deep breath, “I don’t know what to do.”

“What do you think the answer is?”

“I don’t know. I mean, he has a point. I did spend time with him when I could have just gone home to Adrian instead. That’s not how it’s supposed to be. But I mean, I am happy. I love Adrian, I know he’s the perfect match for me. He’s understanding, and he gets me, and we just… we’re good together.”

“But all of that doesn’t change how you feel about Even.”

“Guess it doesn’t. It’s crazy, though, right? Throwing away a perfect, 5-year relationship over some guy? Even if I have some weird crush on him, even if he means something to me, that’ll pass, right? It’s not like I can do anything about it, either, he’s my patient. So…”

“So your plan is to avoid Even until he gets discharged, and then just… keep going?”

Isak shrugged, “It sounds weird when you say it like that, but…”

Sana smiled at him, “Listen, Isak, you’re not stupid. You know that that’s not the solution. I hate to break it to you, but you need to break up with Adrian.”

“I don’t want to break up with Adrian.”

“I know. But you’re not happy with him. Otherwise we wouldn’t be having this conversation. I wouldn’t say that if you were just hot for Even, if he was just some sexual fantasy. But you spend hours and hours talking to him. When was the last time you spend more than 10 minutes talking to Adrian?”, Sana asked.

Isak covered his face in his hands, “I’m such a fucking dick.”

“You’re just confused, Isak, that happens.”

“I do love him. Adrian.”

“I know. But you also have feelings for Even.”

“Maybe.”

“You know, Johnny Depp once said, ’If you love two people at the same time, choose the second one. Because if you had really loved the first one, then you wouldn’t have fallen for the second.’”

Isak frowned, “What?”

Sara just shrugged, “He’s not wrong.”

“Why the fuck does Johnny Depp go around making up quotes about loving two people?!”, Isak complained.

Sana rolled her eyes, “I don’t know, Isak! I didn’t spend an hour reading his damn biography, I just thought the quote was fitting! God, you’re such a pain in the ass, you know that?! How you got two hot guys fighting over your grumpy butt is beyond me!”

Isak stared at her for a second, before they both laughed.

“You can get scary”, Isak told her, grinning.

“Only if I’m very right about things”, Sana said, tilting her head, “I’m not telling you that you don’t love Adrian anymore, or how you feel about Even. Only you can feel what you feel. But maybe you should ask yourself what would make you happy. All being reasonable aside. And if the answer is Even, then what are you waiting for?”

Isak leaned his head back against the wall again, and they fell silent for a moment.

“Thank you”, Isak finally said quietly.

“No problem.”

“Can you take care of Even for a few days? I think I need to sort out my own shit before I can deal with him again.”

“I doubt that he will let me do that”, Sana pointed out, shrugging, “he makes it really clear that you’re the only one allowed to touch him.”

Isak took another deep breath, “Can you try, though?”

“Anything for you, best buddy.”

 

\--

 

“What do you mean, it’s not working out?”

Isak closed his eyes, trying not to cry, “I mean… come on, you know what I mean. I can’t keep doing this to you. Being a bad boyfriend, always keep you waiting. You’re just investing way more in this relationship and I can’t deal with it anymore.”

Adrian stared at him, and Isak saw how he clenched his jaw, obviously trying not to cry, too.

Which made everything even worse.

“But- I mean, don’t you think that’s my call? I know you’re working a lot, and I’m old enough to know what I’m getting myself into. You don’t get to make that decision for me”, he said.

Isak ran his hands through his hair, “Can you honestly tell me you’re happy?”

“Do you honestly think I could be happy without you?”, Adrian shot back.

Isak took a deep breath, “I’m sorry.”

“You’re actually doing this”, Adrian realized, staring at Isak.

“I actually am.”

“And you’re seriously telling me you’re doing it because you work a lot? Are you fucking serious? After endless nights of me waiting for you, it’s _you_ who’s telling me you can’t take that anymore?!”, Adrian yelled at him, and Isak closed his eyes,

“I’m sorry. It’s a lot of things, but I just feel… you love me more than I could love you, right now, and… Adrian, you deserve to be with somebody who actually has the time and the… who can actually appreciate you.”

“Fuck you.”

“Adrian-“

“What is this really about?”, Adrian asked, eyes drilling into Isak’s with such power, that Isak thought that it was no wonder that Adrian was so fucking successful as a lawyer.

“Nothing. I just need some space. I need to work and I need you to be okay without me always ditching you. I don’t love you like you deserve to be loved, okay?”

“Stop with all that ‘You’re too good to me’ nonsense, we both know that’s crap!”

“It’s not!”

“It’s that patient of yours, isn’t it? The one you were visiting on the weekends?”, Adrian asked, eyes still sharp and unforgiving.

“Adrian-“

“Is he fucking you?”

“What?!”

“Don’t fucking lie to me, are you sleeping with him?”

“That’s ridiculous. You know I can’t date patients. But yes, the fact that I felt like taking care of him showed me that you should be the one I’m taking care of. And I wasn’t.”

“Then change it”, Adrian suggested, running a hand through his hair before laying it onto Isak’s cheek, looking at him, “start taking care of our relationship, don’t throw it away!”

“Maybe we could just… I don’t know, I need some space. I took care of a stranger, instead of taking care of you. It was more important to me that he was okay than it was to fight for you, for us. You said that it’s not healthy how much I work and how invested I am in my work, and you’re right about that, okay? But that’s my problem, not yours. And right now you’re in a relationship that isn’t healthy anymore, and it’s because of me. You just deserve somebody better. Somebody who doesn’t work that much and isn’t… isn’t such a dick to you.”

“You need space?”

“Maybe.”

“Isak, sweety, please”, Adrian started begging, not so tough-lawyer anymore, and Isak hated that even more.

“I’m not trying to be cruel or anything. I’m not trying to hurt you, even though it seems to be ridiculous to say that right now… I’m just trying to do the right thing.”

“You don’t love me anymore”, Adrian concluded, pulling away, and the first tear fell from his eye. He didn’t try to hide it.

“I’m- I don’t know”, Isak whispered, and tried blinking his tears away.

“You don’t know?”

“I’m sorry”, he repeated, “I’m so fucking sorry.”

Adrian walked up to him, hugged him, and they were both crying.

“Don’t to this, Isak. Let me choose if I want to put up with you not loving me enough or working late or even taking care of patients that mean something to you. That’s just not your call to make, okay? Let’s work on this, sweety, please.”

Isak pulled away a little, looking at Adrian,

“I need space. And so do you. Decide if you really want that kind of relationship. Because I think if you think about this rationally, you don’t.”

“Think about this rationally?”, Adrian repeated, chuckling a little, before pressing their foreheads together, “you’re such a fucking nerd.”

Isak grinned through his tears, before getting up onto his tiptoes and kissing Adrian.

 

Isak loved break up sex. There was something about it that made it so intense, painful of course, but also so full of loss and love and passion that he just had a soft spot for it. He enjoyed every second of it, moaning and panting and whispering Adrian’s name and Even’s face didn’t cross his mind once.

When they came down from their high, it was there, though, and Isak couldn’t really get rid of it again. Adrian was lying beside him, still breathing heavily, and looking over to Isak:

“So. Space?”

“Space”, Isak agreed.

And they both knew that this was the end of it.

 

\--

 

Isak called in sick the next two days and stayed at home. Adrian came over again, and they talked for a few hours, agreeing on actually and finally ending it, and Isak just felt wrecked after it.

He packed up a few things that Adrian had left at his place, removed some pictures, but mostly he sat on the couch, binge-watched Fargo and then Better Call Saul and then Narcos. He wasn’t feeling like getting up, at all.

His colleagues and mostly his med-students, who already worked at the hospital kept calling him, asking questions, or even sending him pictures of x-rays, asking him for his opinion. He was annoyed and sad and felt sorry for himself, but most of the time, he just couldn’t bring himself to care at all.

 

**Sana** (11:06)

_hey you_

_are you ok?_

**Isak** (11:09)

_mh_

_more or less_

**Sana** (11:09)

_how did he take it?_

**Isak** (11:09)

_not good_

_neither did I_

**Sana** (11:10)

_that’s okay_

_you’re allowed to be sad_

**Isak** (11:10)

_am I?_

**Sana** (11:10)

_Isak everybody is allowed to be sad sometimes_

**Isak** (11:11)

_guess so_

_what’s up at work?_

_everything okay?_

**Sana** (11:11)

_I really didn’t want to bother you with that_

_but we’re having issues with Even_

**Isak** (11:11)

_figures_

**Sana** (11:12)

_the MRI we did on his hand shows that his nerves have been damaged during the first operation_

_I say we should try to operate again, try to see if we can repair that_

_also I would like to remove the stitches on his stomach_

_but he’s sort of refusing_

**Isak** (11:12)

_fuck_

**Sana** (11:12)

_I’m sorry I know this is the last thing you need right now_

**Isak** (11:12)

_it’s okay_

_not your fault_

**Sana** (11:12)

_he asks about you a lot_

_I think he’s feeling very insecure without you here_

_I think that’s why he’s so rude, it’s just insecurity_

**Isak** (11:13)

_oh man_

_okay_

_what do we do_

**Sana** (11:13)

_since I don’t want to force you to come in_

_I thought I could give him my phone and he could call you?_

_you can just tell him to be tame and let me do my work?_

**Isak** (11:13)

_think that will help?_

**Sana** (11:13)

_worth a shot_

**Isak** (11:13)

_okay_

_I’ll try_

**Sana** (11:14)

_thanks_

_I’ll have him call you in an hour or so_

**Isak** (11:14)

_okay_

**Sana** (11:14)

_call me if you need anything ok_

_want me to come over later?_

**Isak** (11:14)

_nah it’s fine_

_still in my sweatpants/ Netflix phase_

**Sana** (11:14)

_that’s pretty much the only phase you have_

**Isak** (11:14)

_shut up <3_

**Sana** (11:14)

_talk to you later <3_

_keep your head high_

**Isak** (11:14)

_thanks sanasol_

 

Isak really didn’t feel like talking to Even, at all. He was still not over that comment that he had made, partly because it was so rude and arrogant and crossing every line there was, but mostly because he had been fucking right and Isak hated him for it.

He still cared, though, if not about Even feeling good, then at least about Sana feeling good, and he really wanted Even to stop being a jerk to her. They always had each other’s back and he knew that he owed her this.

So when his cell phone started ringing, he took a deep breath, pausing Netflix while he answered:

“Hey.”

“Hey”, Even answered, and his voice sounded very insecure.

“Even”, Isak sighed, “what the fuck are you doing?”

“I’m- are you okay?”

“No”, Isak answered, a little too quickly, before clearing his throat, “I’m sick. I won’t be there until Monday. Just let Sana take care of you. Okay?”

“I just- you’re the only one I trust, okay? I don’t do well with doctors”, Even said quietly.

“Fuck. Okay, look, Sana is really good at what she does. Don’t tell her I said this, but she’s way better than me. Just let her take care of you. Do it for me. Please?”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Isak? Are you okay? I mean is this because… because of what I said last time?”

“I- no, it’s not because of you. I’m just sick, that’s it. Don’t worry about me, okay?”

“Will you be there for when they operate my hand? I really want you to be there”, Even asked, voice all small, and Isak took a deep breath,

“Of course I’ll be there. Tell Sana to call me later and we’ll set a date and I’ll be there”, he promised.

“Thank you”, Even said quietly.

“You’re welcome. And Even? You can’t tell all the nurses that only I am allowed to touch you and shit like that. I don’t want- they talk, okay, a lot. Just don’t put me in that position. Please?”

“Oh. I didn’t mean to- I’m sorry. I didn’t say it like that. I didn’t mean to put you in some position or whatever… it’s just… true.”

“What is?”

“You’re the only one who’s allowed to touch me.”

“Fy faen, Even”, Isak breathed.

They were quiet for a few moments after that, before Isak spoke again,

“Just stop being such a jerk to Sana. She’s the best doctor you could hope for, I promise. And I’ll be back on Monday. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Bye Even.”

“Isak?”

Isak closed his eyes, taking a deep breath, “Yeah?”

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. Sorry if that- I’m just sorry. Okay?”

Isak felt the tears behind his eyelids, and he swallowed hard at how soft and loving Even’s voice sounded, and realized that non of this mess was actually Even’s fault.

He cleared his throat, “You have nothing to be sorry for, Even, it’s okay. Promise.”

“Okay, well… get well soon. Kind of boring without you here. I miss you.”

Isak nodded, not knowing if he wanted Even to fucking stop talking or to keep talking forever,

“Um, yeah, I- we’ll see each other Monday, okay? Hang in there.”

“Yeah. You too.”

“Bye Even.”

“Bye Isak.”

 

Even looked down on the cell phone for a second. Sana hat saved his number along with a selfie the two of them took. Isak was wearing a snapback in the picture, put on backwards and hiding his beautiful curls. He had a beer can in his hand and smiled into the camera. Even couldn’t help but smile, too.

He heard the door opening and quickly locked the phone, handing it to Sana with a shy smile,

“Thank you. For um- well, thanks.”

“Sure. It’s completely okay that you want to talk to your operating doctor before making any further decisions”, Sana told him, a sweet smile on her lips.

Even had never felt this intimidated by anyone before. This girl obviously knew exactly what she was doing.

“Um, yeah. I mean- yeah, no, I just- we-“

“It’s okay, Even, let’s just talk about how we will continue your treatment”, Sana said, and Even was endlessly thankful for offering him an out.

“Whatever you say is fine”, Even told her, not looking at her.

Sana raised her eyebrows, “Oh? Okay.”

“Isak- well, he also said that he would operate my hand, so you should- I mean, he told me to tell you- um, that you should check with him, set a date for it and stuff”, Even mumbled.

He normally didn’t feel this insecure around other people, but Isak’s absence had a bigger effect on him than he liked to admit. He wasn’t too good with hospitals and doctors, that part was true, but he also had felt somewhat calmer with Isak by his side, and now he felt restless again, trapped, anxious.

“We will do that, yes. And don’t worry about Isak, he’ll be back to normal in no time”, Sana assured him, and he could tell that she knew something.

“Yeah, it’s just- we spend a lot of time together when I first got here, and I-“ Even shrugged, not really knowing how much he was allowed to share with her after Isak calling him on keeping his mouth shut about whatever they were or had.

“Okay. Just don’t worry about it, he’s fine and he’ll be back in no time”, Sana repeated, giving Even another smile.

“Thank you. Sorry for being such a jerk to you.”

“I didn’t take it personally”, she told him, reaching for the rubber gloves, “can I remove your stitches now?”

“Um. Okay.”

Sana took a deep breath, hesitating to beep a nurse to help her set up for that, and turning to face Even again,

“Listen, Even, I’ve known Isak for a long time, and I promise you, you don’t have to worry about him. He’ll be fine. And you’ll be fine. Both of you.”

 

Even looked at her, nodding slowly, and allowed himself to believe her.

 

* * *

 


	6. "What the fuck are you smiling at?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter <3
> 
> don't worry though, yes, there will be a sort of epilogue, as requested :)
> 
> Thank all of you for the Kudos and the Comments, they all make me very happy and keep me motivated to write, so thank you very much <3
> 
> ALT ER LOVE <3 BE KIND

* * *

 

 

“You’re back!”, Even said happily when Isak entered his room on Monday.

“Yeah”, Isak nodded, and gave him a small smile, “just wanted to check out the stitches on your chest. Sana said the other ones looked really good.”

“Master of stitches”, Even praised, smiling at Isak, while he lifted up his shirt.

Isak took a step closer, looking at the fine line on Even’s stomach, before looking at the stitches on his ribcage, “It’s looking good. We’ll remove those in the next few days.”

“Okay. You look… tired. What did you have?”, Even asked, carefully checking out Isak’s face.

“Um. Just… the flu or something.”

“Too bad. I’m happy you’re better now, though”, Even smiled at him.

“Yeah? So you don’t have to bitch at all the other doctors all the time?”, Isak asked, offering Even a small grin.

“Pretty much”, Even agreed, waiting a few seconds until Isak looked at him, “and I missed you.”

Isak cleared his throat, taping the bandages back to Even’s torso, not replying.

They stayed quiet, while Isak studied the pictures that were taken during the MRI on Even’s hand carefully, and Even didn’t dare to interrupt him. When Isak had put all the stuff back into his file, Even cleared his throat,

“I’m sorry. For what I said. I was totally out of line and I didn’t mean for it to- I mean- you know what I mean, right?”

“I already told you it’s fine, but... apology accepted, I guess.”

“Okay. I also apologized to Sana. She scares the crap out of me.”

Isak chuckled a little, endlessly relieved that there was no weird tension between them anymore. Or, at least not more than usual.

He grinned a little,

“Yeah. Tell me about it.”

“You two seem pretty close, huh?”, Even asked.

“Mhm. I’ve known her for, like, 10 years. We were kind of forced to work together in bio class. I was always really intimidated by her. Still am. But, man, that girl has the biggest heart.”

Isak smiled a little, and Even smiled back at him,

“Sounds really nice. You’ll be the one who operates my hand, though, right?”, Even asked.

“Mhm, yeah. We’ll do that tomorrow.”

“Okay.”

“Okay. I have another operation in half an hour, so…” Isak prompted, stepping back.

“Um, Isak?”

“Yeah?”

“Could you maybe try to be there when I wake up from the anesthesia tomorrow? Just if… I don’t know, just if it’s not too much trouble or anything.”

Isak didn’t ask if Even wanted to call his parents instead, or his roommate, or one of his friends. He just nodded and smiled at him,

“Of course.”

 

\--

 

The operation went well. Isak was able to save every damaged nerve in Even’s hand, and he rescheduled all of his other appointments to be there when Even woke up half an hour later.

It wasn’t pretty, because Even had to throw up from the anesthesia, he was confused and emotional and then he threw up again.

Isak didn’t even flinch. It felt surprisingly natural, cleaning Even up, mumbling soothing words to him, holding his hand, calming him down. Somehow it scared Isak just how natural it really felt.

It took two hours until he had convinced Even to drink some water and even eat something, and another half hour until he went back to sleep and Isak could silently move out of his room. He knew that if he wanted to catch up on all the work, he would be here until at least ten – and it was still a little painful when he realized that it didn’t matter anymore because nobody would be waiting for him at home.

 

\--

 

It took two more days for Even to recover from the operation.

His parents came by and also his roommate, who was actually really funny and nice. There was also a really pretty blonde girl in Even’s room one day, and Isak didn’t dare to ask who she was, but they seemed to be really close.

Isak didn’t want to think about it. He was still hurting over his break up, still trying to make up his mind on whatever it was that he was feeling for Even, and he was really close to fucking losing it. Seeing Even with other people made him jealous like hell, and he kind of got the feeling that Even knew it.

Isak wasn’t really sleeping, partly because he missed the warmth of Adrian’s body and the calm breathing next to him, and mostly because he kept picturing the warmth of Even’s body and not so calm breathing on top of him.

 

\--

 

“You look pretty tired”, Even told him a few days later.

Isak was prepping him to get the stitches over his ribcage removed. He could have gotten one of the med students to do it, or even one of the nurses, but he preferred to do it himself.

“Mh”, he just hummed, washing his hands, before putting rubber gloves on.

“Are you okay?”, Even asked, as Isak disinfected his skin and reached for a scalpel, not reacting to Even’s question.

“Is this going to hurt?”

“Nah, not really. You already had the other ones removed the other day, it’ll be like that”, Isak answered and Even nodded,

“Okay, well, go ahead.”

Isak nodded, and started to cut the stitches up, removing them from Even’s skin.

“Okay?”, he asked, and Even gave him a thumbs up.

When they were all finished, Isak put a much lighter and softer bandage over the wound, satisfied with how it looked.

“All good”, he told Even, giving him a small smile.

“Thanks”, Even answered, keeping his eyes on Isak.

They were silent for a minute before Even spoke again,

“How’s that… how’s that boyfriend of yours?”

Isak didn’t expect the question to be this painful. He had to use all of his energy not to flinch and to stay neutral and composed. He cleared his throat,

“Um. It’s actually… over.”

Even raised an eyebrow, “Oh, fuck, sorry. I didn’t mean to…”

Isak waved him off, “It’s fine.”

“How long were you together?”, Even asked, his eyes glued on Isak’s, who shrugged and turned around to throw his gloves in the garbage,

“Five years.”

“Wow.”

“Mhm”, Isak mumbled, turning back to Even, getting a little closer again.

“I’m sorry for causing you stress, I should have just let Sana do her job.”

Isak took a deep breath, running his hand through his hair, “Forget about it. It’s done.”

Even grabbed Isak’s wrist, pulling him a little closer, “I’m sorry, though. It really sucks that you had to break up with him.”

“Who said I was the one who broke it off?”

“Because no person in their right mind could leave somebody like you”, Even answered quietly.

Isak shook his head, “Even…”

He looked up, looking into those fucking pretty eyes, and he was so gone. So fucking gone.

Even just looked back, breathing a little heavier.

They stayed like this for a couple more breaths, before Isak cursed and leaned in.

 

When Isak crashed their lips together, it was pure desperation.

Isak steadied himself on one hand, moving the other one into Even’s hair.

It wasn’t really comfortable, because Isak had to lean over the hospital bed, and Even tried cupping his jaw with his broken hand, which was impossible.

Isak lifted his hand, held onto the metal pole at the back of Even’s bed instead, and tilted his head to get better access.

Even moved his thumb over Isak’s cheek, forcing him to open up, and they moaned in synch when they deepened the kiss. Their tongues met, dancing to the rhythms or their fast heartbeats. Isak was getting dizzy from Even’s taste, he licked into Even’s mouth with even more hunger. He felt every little movement of Even’s very talented tongue all the way down to his toes, and he gripped Even’s hair even harder, panting a little as he felt Even run his tongue over Isak’s bottom lip.

He leaned over the bed a little further, and Even pushed his head up to have even less space between them, trying to push himself up on his broken hand.

Isak felt Even’s hand move from his cheek over his jaw and then into his hair, he felt the slightest pleasurable pain when Even started pulling, before his hand moved into his neck to get him closer.

Isak couldn’t help the small moans and whines escaping his mouth, spilling into Even’s, while he pushed himself closer against the fucking uncomfortable bed, closer against Even.

A loud beeping sound interrupted them, Even jumped at the sound, and Isak pulled back, cursing again, pushing some buttons on the machine that had started going off. He pulled away completely when the door was pushed open and a nurse ran into the room.

“Oh”, she said, when she saw Isak, “everything okay?”

“Yeah, it’s just- it’s nothing. I had to remove the stitches and I guess it was more painful than I anticipated because some of them were infected. That probably caused… this.”

“Ah.” The nurse looked a little confused, but Isak looked at her with his signature doctor gaze, and she just smiled and left the room again. Isak turned the monitor off and stared up at the ceiling for a second.

“Fuck”, he breathed out.

“What the fuck was that?”

“You… um, you set off your heart monitor because your pulse was getting kind of… fast.”

Even smirked at Isak, reaching for his hand and pulling him closer again,

“See what you do to me all the time?”, he whispered and sat up in his bed, reaching for Isak’s hip.

“Even…”

“Shhhh”, Even hushed him, gently pulling him closer.

He kissed Isak again, slow and tender this time, his hand laying on Isak’s cheek softly. He tilted his head a little, teasingly licking over Isak’s bottom lip, before he used his thumb, stroking Isak’s cheek again to force Isak’s mouth open, and that move made Isak so fucking spineless.

He let out a long breath, gripped Even’s hair again, gentle but firm, and moved his tongue against Even’s slowly. He moved his other hand to lay on Even’s collarbone, tracing it with his fingertips, as he tilted his head and opened up even more, gasping for air before he licked back into Even’s mouth.

Even let out a sweet sigh, as if he was finally able to breathe again, and he moved a little, his lips never leaving Isak’s, sitting up a little more, turning to face Isak a little more, his hand moving from Isak’s hair down his spine until it was lying on his lower back.

Isak felt like his body was lighting up wherever Even touched him, he felt like he had never been touched like that before, as if Even’s hand was somehow burning through his clothes, and he didn’t know if he wanted it to stop or to continue forever.

Even smiled into the kiss, running one hand through Isak’s hair, before he moved again, trying to get closer to Isak, pulling Isak towards him in one quick motion.

And hissed in pain,

“Ah, fuck.”

Isak looked at him confused, when he saw Even’s hand was pressed against his chest.

“Fuck”, he echoed, pushing Even back to lay on his back, then removing first Even’s hand, and then the small bandage from his ribcage and looked at the thin scar. It was bleeding a little, because the rapid movement was too much for it to hold, and the wound had opened up again. Isak quickly checked the scar on Even’s stomach, but that one was alright, so he took another look at the wound that had ripped open. It wasn’t too bad. Just a little ripped up, and totally not bad.

Isak had seen it happen a couple of times, when patients wanted to have their stitches removed early, or sometimes because they moved to quickly, getting out of their beds or taking a shower. Those things happened, and they could easily be repaired. It was nothing to get freaked out about.

Only that it had probably never happened because the doctor in charge was too fucking horny and was fucking grinding against one of his patients.

That embarrassing and ugly reality hit Isak hard, and he realized what he had been doing, and how fucking wrong all of this was.

“Fuck”, he repeated, “I have to redo them.”

“Huh?”

“Just, keep still”, Isak ordered, beeping a nurse, who came to the room, and told her to get some supplies.

He gave Even a local anesthetic, before he stitched him back up.

Even could basically see the wheels turning in Isak’s head, and he wished he could say something to make Isak stop overthinking this, but there was a very pretty nurse right next to him, and Isak had this hot concentrated look on his face, that made Even shut up.

15 minutes later, the nurse left the room, carrying all the used bandages and other supplies, while Isak took a step back, feeling a little exhausted. Which was ridiculous, because a couple of stitches were nothing compared to his usual work load, four hour long operations after a 12-hour shift for example, but he still felt wrecked somehow. Like he wanted to sleep, and possibly wake up in a life where he had some fucking control over himself.

He removed his rubber gloves, who were still slick and dark with Even’s blood, and his mouth protection, throwing both onto the small tray he had set on Even’s nightstand.

He took another quick look at Even, who didn’t dare to speak, and went over to the sink to wash his hands.

Even watched him wash his hands in slow movements, and could basically see the tension in Isak’s shoulders and his back. He hated it.

He had seen Isak be all loosen up, soft and cute, and he hated how Isak was right now, and he hated even more that he himself was the reason Isak was so fucking tense.

When Isak turned around, he had that fucking doctor look on this face, all nice and professional.

“Okay, um, I will be back tomorrow to take another look at you. Try not to move too much in the meantime. Those stitches are still pretty sensitive.”

“Isak…”

“Don’t.”

Isak shook his head, took another look at Even and left.

 

\--

 

Even had given up on Isak when he saw that it was already nine. It wasn’t the first time that Isak didn’t come by after his shift to change his bandages, sneak in food or wish him a good night. But it felt different this time. And he missed him so fucking much.

He knew he was out of line. Of course he knew that. All the shameless flirting, even though Isak had insisted on being happy with his boyfriend, all the comments, the touches, the winks and the long lingering gazes. Of course that was fucked up, and Even knew it.

And, well, kissing Isak had just been the worst move ever. Not only that Isak had just broken up with his boyfriend – a part of Even couldn’t help but think _finally_ – but he was also still his doctor, and he had made out with Even during his shift, causing him to fucking rip his scar back open. Everything about that was probably eating Isak alive and Even-

Well, the logical and reasonable emotion would have been to feel bad about it. Feeling bad about putting Isak in that position, feeling back for taking advantage of him while he was vulnerable, feeling bad about making him feel guilty over some stupid injury of Even’s.

Only that Even just couldn’t bring himself to feel bad about all of it. Not when he could still taste Isak on his tongue, when he still felt Isak’s fingers in his hair, when he still heard his soft little moans and the heat of his body when it was pressed against Even’s. The light touches of his fingers against Even’s collarbone.

Even shook his head, trying to get rid of the pictures ghosting through his head, and checked his phone again. Ten past nine. He stared at the door for a solid five minutes, trying to get it to magically open up, then gave up and started texting Magnus that he had to stay for another few days because he had been dumb enough to screw up his stupid scar on his stupid ribcage.

He scrolled through 9gag for a couple of minutes, before checking the time again. 21:21. He was about to open the next random app, just to have something to do, when the door opened and Isak stormed in, throwing the door shut behind him,

“You had no fucking right to kiss me!”

Even raised his eyebrows, “Excuse me?”

Isak ran his hand through his hair, “You had no right to kiss me! I broke up with Adrian like a week ago and- you’re fucking injured, you ripped open your fucking wound just because- and- like- nothing can ever happen again between us, okay? I mean, this- you’re my fucking patient and you’re just- you’re confused, okay, because I saved your fucking life and I brought you food and I took care of you, and I get it but you don’t want me, you don’t even know me, and-“

“Isak!”, Even interrupted, raising his voice over Isak’s.

Isak took a deep breath, before gesturing between them: “This is- just not happening, okay?”

“Come here”, Even requested softly, holing his hand out.

“You’re my patient”, Isak repeated, “this can’t happen.”

“I won’t be your patient forever”, Even suggested, still holding out his hand. Fuck, he wanted to touch that hair so badly. Isak looked so fucking good in his jeans and T-Shirt and Even wanted him closer, right now. Isak didn’t give in though, and Even lowered his hand after a few more moments.

“But you… Even, you don’t even know me. You know me as your doctor, okay, taking care of you, fixing you. That’s all you know. That’s not real, though. It’s just my job, that’s it”, Isak tried to explain, pushing his hands into his jeans pockets, and at least he didn’t look like he was going to storm out again.

“You and I both know you did more than your job these last few weeks.”

“Because that’s what I do. Fixing people. And that’s what you like about me, but that’s not real. This will just be like Jack and Sara on Lost, you falling for me over the fact that I was the one who fixed you and then you’ll realize that fixing people is just what I do and that you’re not special because of it and-“

Isak broke off when he saw the wide smile that had spread across Even’s face.

He let out a resigned breath, “What the fuck are you smiling at?”

“You watched Lost?” Even asked, still beaming at Isak with his fucking gorgeous eyes.

“That’s all you took from what I said?!” Isak asked stunned.

“You watched Lost!” Even said happily.

“So not the point I’m trying to make!” Isak hissed at him.

“It’s kind of the point I’m trying to make, though.”

Isak looked at him, shaking his head, “What the fuck are you talking about?”

“You’re right, I only know you as my doctor, and yes, I fell for you. But obviously we have stuff in common, apart from all that.”

“It’s a fucking TV show, that’s not what this is about.”

“Okay, first of all, do not disrespect the island!” Even told him in a very serious tone that made Isak roll his eyes, “and second of all, what do you think this is about?”

“You only know one side of me. And I’m nothing like that in a relationship. I work all the time, and even if I’m home, I’m still working. I may have been the one who broke up with Adrian, but it was my fault it didn’t work out. And it won’t work out with you, either, because I don’t have the time for a relationship like that. I just don’t. And every person that tried to convince me that I do, well, it never worked.”

Even shook his head. Ever since he got to know Isak, he had never seen him this insecure. Maybe what Isak was saying did make sense, because he basically only knew him in this one context and he could see why this would concern Isak a lot.

“Okay, I’m pretty sure that you can have a functioning relationship when you’re working a lot”, Even tried to argue, “People do it all the time.”

“Oh yeah?” Isak laughed, not really seeming amused, “have you done that?”

Even rolled his eyes, “Not exactly…”

“Yeah, well”, Isak said.

“But I do have a lot of work, too. When I’m actually directing and having a lot of different projects, I don’t have time either… but that was never the reason why relationships didn’t work out. It’s not easy, I’m not saying it is, but it’s not impossible to make some time for another person.”

Isak rolled his eyes dramatically,

“It _is_ impossible. I can’t make some fucking time, because I don’t _have_ the fucking time, okay?!”

“You had time to come here every fucking night since my accident. Even on the weekend.”

“Yes! But at the same time, Adrian was at home, and I wasn’t there. See, that’s what I mean, you only know the side of me that is always able to be there and he had to live with the fact that I was gone all the time. And that’s the real side of me, the relationship side, and you don’t want that!”

“ _Maybe_ it had something to do with the fact that you just didn’t love him anymore?”, Even yelled at Isak.

“Sorry”, he said a little softer, “just- is it so hard to admit that you didn’t do this because it’s your job, but because I meant something to you?”

Isak took a deep breath, biting the inside of his cheek while looking at Even.

Even shrugged,

“And you say I only know you as a doctor, and that may be true, but you’re the only person here that asked me if it was okay for you to touch me, you know. Everybody else was just like ‘Okay, time to change your bandages’. I don’t know why, but the fact that you made sure that I was okay with it first, that’s not you being a doctor. That’s you being a caring, kind person. You know, that’s what I liked about you. You were the only one who promised to leave me alone, if I just answered the important questions. And who explained shit to me. I didn’t fall for you because you took care of me, I fell for you because of _how_ you took care of me.”

Isak rolled his eyes a little, smiling,

“Thought you were directing, not writing screen plays.”

“I am, I’m just pretty convincing when I want something really bad”, Even smiled, raising his eyebrows.

Isak moved towards the bed, until Even could grab his hand and pull him even closer,

“You only know one side of me, too, you know. The patient side, if you will. I don’t always like it when people tell me what to do and I don’t like being vulnerable and being watched. That’s how you know me, though. And I’m guessing that’s not the whole reason you like me, either, right?”

Isak just shrugged.

“I’m not asking you to marry me, Isak. I just want a shot with you. I want to ask you out on a date or something. When I get out of here. And we can have dinner, like, real dinner, not fast food”, he suggested, making Isak laugh a little.

“And if we find out that… I don’t know, if you’re into Justin Bieber or if you’re a Donald Trump supporter, then we can still just… you know, move on.”

Isak looked at him, smiling,

“I like Hip Hop. And I think Bernie Sanders would have been the way to go.”

“Okay. I can work with that.”

Isak let out a shaky breath, “This is still… like, forbidden, you know that, right? I’m not allowed to make out with patients, this is not okay. None of this is okay.”

“We don’t have to do anything until I get out, okay?”, Even assured Isak, pulling on Isak’s wrist until he obeyed and sat down onto the bed, “just promise you’ll go out with me when you’re done fixing me?”

Isak smiled and placed one hand on Even’s cheek, slowly stroking it before moving his hand back a little, playing with Even’s hair,

“Okay.”

“Okay”, Even repeated, moving his hand up Isak’s arm until he reached his bicep and pulled him down a little.

Isak leaned down and placed a soft kiss on Even’s lips,

“You can’t tell.” he mumbled against Even’s lips, before kissing him again, “anybody.”

“I won’t. Doctor-Patient-Confidentiality.”

 

* * *

 


	7. “Wow, some first date.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What can I say?
> 
> You asked for it... so enjoy ;)
> 
> ALT ER LOVE ♡ BE KIND

* * *

 

Isak was a little nervous. Or maybe a little more. He was one minute away from calling Sana, but he knew he would never hear the end of it, so he tried to breathe it away, while he got into his favorite button down shirt, putting on his way too expensive watch and grabbing a jacket.

He was wearing his jeans that one of his friends referred to as his ‘Fuck Me Jeans’, because Isak apparently wore them when he was planning on getting laid. Which wasn’t why he was wearing them tonight, not at all. He just thought that they went nicely with the dark shirt, is all.

Taking one last deep breath, he grabbed his car keys, his phone and his wallet and got going.

 

Even wasn’t living too far away from him, in a nice building. He wasn’t standing outside yet, so Isak waited in the drive way, texting him that he was outside.

He only had to wait two minutes, before the car door was pulled open and Even climbed into the car. He was wearing dark jeans, a light grey shirt and a black leather jacket, and Isak considered skipping dinner and just asking for sex on the back seat right here right now.

“I’m not always late, I promise”, Even assured him.

He looked good. It was the first time Isak saw him with styled hair, and he liked it. Even’s hand was still in a cast, but a lighter one now.

Isak pulled out of the driveway, “It’s fine.”

“Your car is insane”, Even said, looking around, “I don’t care about cars at all, but wow.”

“Thanks. I’d love to give you some speech about the environment and renewable energy, but the truth is that I just really wanted one of these ever since I was like, 17 years old.”

Even laughed, “So, childhood dream?”

“Sort of. When I started to make enough money, I figured, why not.”

“Good call”, Even nodded, still checking out the insides of Isak’s car.

“So…”, Isak said, breaking the silence, “how have you been?”

“Good. I started working again this week. And only four more weeks, then this-“ he held up his left hand, “will be over.”

“Mhm, I know”, Isak nodded, while stopping at a red light.

“You know? Isn’t everything Sana tells me doctor-patient-confidential or something?”, Even asked, playfully outraged, and Isak turned his head to look at him,

“Yeah, but we’re best buddies, so we tell each other everything.”

“Everything?”

“Everything”, Isak repeated, as the light turned green and he started driving again.

“Wow. Even the dirty little secrets?”, Even prompted.

Isak laughed, “I mostly don’t have to tell her those. I don’t know what it is, but she always seems to know when I did something.”

“Mhm. Does she know about this?”, Even asked, right hand gesturing somewhere between them and towards the car, sort of including everything.

“About us going out on a date? Do you think I could keep something like that from her?”

“Probably not.”

“Mhm.”

“So… how are you?”, Even asked after they’ve been quiet for a couple of minutes.

“Good. Better. A lot of work, as usual, but I’m trying to cut down a little.”

“Yeah? How’s that going?”

“Not good. You’re lucky I was on time tonight, I’m always late. Like, at least an hour”, Isak warned him with a playful grin, but Even knew that this was actually Isak warning him.

He just couldn’t really care, because Isak looked so hot driving his car.

“Noted. Well, thanks for making it on time tonight. I’m really hungry.”

 

Even had picked out an Italian restaurant for them. It wasn’t exactly cheap, but it was small and cozy and Isak liked it.

“I heard the wine is supposed to be really good”, Even told him, holding up his menu.

“Well, we can’t exactly have wine. I’m driving, and with the combination of medication you’re still on, you shouldn’t be drinking either”, Isak said, not even looking up, but did so when he heard Even chuckle, “what?”

“Just funny that you told me a hundred times how different you are outside of work, and we’ve been on this date for what, five minutes, and you’re already giving medical advice”, Even pointed out.

Isak grinned to himself, shrugged, not even trying to defend himself.

They both ordered water, Isak decided on pizza, while Even ordered some pasta with a name Isak couldn’t even pronounce.

“So, Dr. Valtersen”, Even said in a teasing voice, “tell me something about yourself. Something that is not doctor-related.”

Isak wondered if he could – theoretically, of course – get Even to call him that in a different setting, because he realized it was turning him on a little.

“What do you want to know?”

“Um, I don’t know. Like… why did you decide to become a doctor?”

“How is that not doctor-related?”, Isak asked, reaching for some bread.

“Well, it sort of is, but I don’t know it yet, so.”

Isak nodded, chewing, before he leaned back in his chair,

“I was always good at science in school, and I actually enjoyed it a lot. So it was pretty clear that I wanted to do something with it. I looked at some research labs, and I thought about getting into biochemical studies or something, but research is a really frustrating field. It’s shocking how much people fake results as long as you have something good to publish, and somehow that just seemed wrong, so… yeah, I applied for medicine, and I got in. And I really liked it. Anatomy, how the brain and the body works, it’s actually really interesting.”

Even smiled at him, taking a sip of water, “Plus, you look good in white.”

“That, too”, Isak grinned and winked at him.

He really enjoyed the fact that he could just do that now, without feeling weird or guilty about it. Maybe a little weird, because Even still felt like his patient, even though he had assigned the case to Sana, and maybe a little guilty, because he still wasn’t completely over Adrian, but it felt… nice.

“So, why did you get into directing”, Isak gave back the question.

“I just love movies”, Even shrugged, “simple as that. Creating emotions through movies is really cool, and I feel like movies can actually change people, you know. I did a movie about mental illness once, and I mean, we did receive both good and bad feedback on it, but at least people were talking about it, you know. It’s all about making people reflect on stuff, in a way.”

“Sounds really cool. How does it work though? Like, what is the process of a movie being made?”

Even smiled, because Isak sounded actually interested, and Even loved that,

“Usually I get a script, sometimes the actors are already casted, sometimes they aren’t, it depends. Then I decide if I want to do it, and if I think it’s good, I meet with the producers and the writers and stuff, and we sort of make a plan, see if we want the same things. And if we do, then we just start shooting.”

“Mhm. Okay. Do you have to travel a lot for that?”, Isak asked, taking another piece of bread.

Even noticed that he was eating his bread like he ate his cookie back in the hospital, picking it into small pieces before eating them,

“Well, I’m still waiting on that call from Leonardo DiCaprio and Martin Scorsese to finally move to L.A.”, he joked, and Isak chuckled, “but right now it’s more local stuff. Which is good. Norway has a pretty good industry already, and I’m more for supporting that than turning everything into some Hollywood production.”

“Yeah, that’s actually-“

Isak interrupted himself as his phone started to buzz. He grimaced, making an apologetic face, before picking it up,

“Yeah?”

Even tilted his head, watching how one of Isak’s curls was falling a little more over his forehead as he looked down, how his long, beautiful fingers were holding the slim case of his iPhone, how his face became all concentrated and serious.

“Is he stable?”, Isak asked over the phone, listening, before he asked for the doses of medication, and then gave further instructions.

While he was talking, their food came, and Even could tell how embarrassed Isak felt in front of the waitress, because he was letting Even sit there and he was talking on the phone like the biggest jerk.

Even didn’t mind though, he smiled at the waitress, then smiled at Isak to assure him that he wasn’t mad, and just started eating.

He heard Isak make appointments for an operation tomorrow morning, before he gave some further instructions and then hung up the phone,

“I’m so sorry.”

“Everything is fine”, Even told him.

“That’s… that’s sort of what I meant”, Isak told him, a little quieter, “I have a lot of med-students and I kind of always leave my phone on in case they need advice. Sometimes they take advantage of that, but I don’t want them to make any mistakes they might regret at some point.”

“Isak”, Even said softly, “everything’s good. I don’t care.”

“I’m still… sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude”, Isak repeated, looking very aplogetic.

“Don’t worry about it, seriously. Just eat. It’s getting cold.”

 

The food was delicious and Even managed to make Isak laugh and smile again.

When they were finished, Even talked him into getting dessert.

Isak told some story about his former roommate Eskild, who he was still close to, enjoying the fact that Even was laughing and smiling.

“Why did you live in a shared apartment when you were 17?”, Even asked, placing his chin onto his hand, looking at Isak.

“Um. I sort of had a falling out with my parents at some point.”

“Oh.”

Isak hesitated, looking up at Even as if he was considering how much he wanted to share, before shrugging,

“My mom’s schizophrenic.”

“Oh.”

“And my dad couldn’t handle it, so he left, and I was really overwhelmed with everything and I kind of moved out, you know, broke off all contact for a while.”

Even nodded quietly. The waitress brought them their Tiramisu, and Isak played with his spoon,

“You know, I didn’t really know anything about mental illness, and I was kind of taking it personally. Like, I thought, that if she would love me enough, that she would try harder or that she could be there for me if she really wanted to. I went through a phase where I really wanted to stay away from mentally ill people, because I was just feeling like they fuck everything up for me. Which is ridiculous, really, because if I had a mom who was paralyzed or something, I wouldn’t tell her that she would walk if she loved me enough or something.”

Even chuckled, and then smiled at Isak, “That’s a good comparison.”

Isak smiled back, “Yeah… I actually got to know Sana at that point, and she sort of helped me see how wrong I had been about some stuff. But there just wasn’t anybody there to educate me on it, so… yeah, but we have a good relationship now. My mom and I. She’s in a clinic, but she’s doing really well.”

“Leaving a child alone with a mentally ill person just like that is really irresponsible. No wonder you didn’t want anything to do with it anymore”, Even said, and Isak nodded,

“I still feel bad, sometimes, for leaving her alone, for blaming her for an illness that she didn’t choose either… but I just couldn’t take it, and I was completely alone with it, so... But it all turned out okay, I guess. It was around the same time I came out, had my first boyfriend, so I was all over the place, anyway.”

Even grinned a little, licking his spoon,

“So. How did it go with that first boyfriend of yours?”

“Seriously? Already asking about exes?”, Isak laughed, tilting his head.

“I have to know what I’m up against”, Even argued, still smiling.

“Mhh”, Isak hummed, playing with his spoon again, “I was with him for three years, on and off, then we broke up, and after that I was kind of… well, let’s just say my roommate made an Grindr account for me, and then I met Adrian at a party like two years later, and you know the rest.”

“Guess I do.”

“What about you?”

Even grinned, licking his spoon again, “I had my first girlfriend when I was 15, I think, and we were together until I left for London, where I got my degree. And in London, I was kind of- let’s just say my roommate made a Tinder account for me”, he winked at Isak, who laughed, “and then when I got back here, I had a girlfriend again, but it didn’t really work out. So.”

“But did you… I mean, were you ever… like, with another guy?”, Isak asked, hoping he wasn’t crossing a line. But with the way Even had been flirting with him, he couldn’t really imagine that he was the first guy Even was drawn to.

“I never had a long term boyfriend, but I hooked up with guys. There was a guy in London for some time, but I wouldn’t call what we had a relationship, it was more, like, friends with benefits? I know how gay sex works, if that’s what you’re worried about”, Even smirked, making Isak laugh nervously.

“I bet you do”, he mumbled, before finishing his dessert.

He ordered an espresso, and Even raised his eyebrows,

“Really? It’s pretty late. How can you even sleep with that much caffeine in your system?”

“I never sleep, ‘cause sleep it the cousin of death”, Isak grinned, then shook his head when he saw that Even kind of froze, “um, sorry. It’s a line from a song, it’s-“

“The message, by Nas. Yeah. I know. It’s my favorite, actually.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

 

They talked about music for the rest of their meal, and Isak insisted on paying, although Even tried to fight him on it.

They were quiet during the ride home, and when Isak parked his car in front of Even’s building, Even turned to him,

“You want to come up for some… coffee?”, he asked, realizing that Isak just had coffee at the restaurant.

Isak laughed, “Yeah, sure.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Even’s place was really nice, minimalistic, but decorated with a lot of love. It was a little too artsy for Isak’s taste, but it was still very pretty. He walked around the living room for a while, standing in front of a wall with photographs.

“Did you take those?”

“Yeah.”

“They’re good.”

“Thanks.”

“Didn’t know you also did photography.”

“It’s just a hobby”, Even shrugged, “do you want something to drink?”

“You didn’t invite me up here for coffee, did you?”, Isak asked, smirking at him, while he walked over to him.

Even grinned back, reaching for Isak, “I was trying to be polite.”

“Mhh”, Isak hummed, slowly moving his hands around Even’s neck, feeling Even’s big hands on his back, tracing his spine through the shirt. The cast on his left hand pressed against Isak’s back a little, but he didn’t mind.

“Is this okay?”, Even asked quietly, moving his nose over Isak’s neck.

“I think so”, Isak nodded, lifting his head to ask for a kiss.

Normally, he would be a little shyer, maybe not do this on the first date, but he knew Even for almost two months now.

After their kiss in the hospital, they hadn’t touched each other once, and that was almost three weeks ago. Isak had then assigned Even into Sana’s care, and only had visited Even every other day. When Even had been discharged, he had asked for Isak’s number and they had gone to texting, for another week or so, until they finally had made plans to meet up, and so it really didn’t feel like a first date to Isak.

Plus, he was aching for Even to finally touch him.

“So, I guess this means you’ll give me a shot”, Even asked quietly, his breath against Isak’s lips.

“It’s probably not going to be easy with me”, Isak whispered, moving his body a little closer to Even’s.

“It’s not going to be easy with me, either”, Even reminded him, his hand moving up Isak’s back and into his hair.

“Well, then”, Isak breathed, and Even finally bend down to kiss him.

Isak wish he had a little more self-control, but when Even’s lips brushed over his own, he sighed deeply, causing Even to chuckle, “Did you miss this?”, he asked, lips moving a little against Isak’s as he spoke.

“Just shut the fuck up”, Isak commanded, pressing their lips together.

He got onto his tiptoes, pressing his body against Even’s, and they both opened their mouths at the same time, sighing when their tongues met.

“You’re so fucking hot”, Even mumbled between wet kisses, “I wanted you for so long now.”

“Yeah”, Isak moaned, licking into Even’s mouth again, “I’ve been thinking about you so much.”

“Yeah?”, Even breathed, his hands on Isak’s hips, pushing him back a few steps, always following, their bodies never breaking the contact.

“Mhh”, Isak sighed, “I- I pictured you.”

“Oh fuck”, Even hissed, pressing their lips together again, his hands moving down to Isak’s ass as he playfully bit his bottom lip, “what did you picture?”

“This. You. Us”, Isak said breathlessly, moaning when Even squeezed his ass, “I wanted you so much.”

“You have me now”, Even promised, kissing Isak’s cheek, his jaw and then down his neck, while he opened some door and reached for the light switch, dimming the light just enough so that they could still see each other properly.

He kept pushing Isak back, until Isak’s legs hit the bed.

“You have no idea what you did to me”, Even pushed Isak down onto the bed, climbing over him instantly, “standing there in that fucking white coat, you looked so incredible.”

“Fuck”, Isak moaned, when he felt Even’s hard dick slide against his own through way too many layers of clothes.

“Your hair”, Even breathed, kissing his way up again, meeting Isak’s wet lips, “your ass, your body, you looked so fucking good all the time.”

Isak just moaned again, sucking on Even’s lip, his hands starting to pull his shirt out of his pants to run his hands over Even’s smooth skin.

“And I couldn’t even jerk off in that stupid hospital, because there were fucking nurses everywhere”, Even said, and Isak broke the kiss, laughing,

“What?”

Even grinned down at him, running his hand through Isak’s hair, “Yeah, you were always right in front of me, looking like that, and I couldn’t do anything about that. Do you know how many times I was lying there with a boner while you changed those bandages?”

Isak burst into laughter, shaking his head, “You’re unbelievable.”

“I hope you mean it as a compliment this time”, Even grinned, leaning down to kiss Isak again.

Isak just hummed against his lips, kissing Even deeply before turning them around, settling to sit on Even’s hips, grinding against them a little.

He started opening the buttons on Even’s shirt, one by one, pressing a gentle kiss to every inch of exposed skin,

“Do you know how many times I imagined taking your fucking shirt off?”, he asked, licking over Even’s nipple.

“Really?”

Isak lifted his head a little, smirking, “You actually don’t have to change those bandages every day. Nobody does that.”

Even’s eyes went wide, “What?!”

Isak shrugged, “I just liked looking at you, I guess.”

“Well, from now on you can look all you want”, Even said, stroking Isak’s cheek, who bend down to open the next button on Even’s shirt.

He ran his tongue over the fine scar on Even’s stomach, before doing the same to the scar on his ribcage, and Even sighed.

Isak took his time kissing and licking up and down Even’s torso, before he crawled over him again, grabbing his shirt with both hands, and Even got the hint and sat up, so that Isak could take his shirt off.

Their bodies did move perfectly together in this scenario, too, Isak thought with a smile, as he took some extra time to move the sleeve over Even’s cast carefully.

Then Even opened the buttons on his shirt, a little more hectic, and threw it somewhere into his room. Isak couldn’t help to be a little impressed that Even had no problem unbuttoning his shirt using just his right hand.

He pushed Even to lay on his back again, opening the button of Even’s jeans and then unzipping them.

He struggled with them a little, before they were finally off, along with Even’s socks and looked at Even, while his hands played with the waistband of Even’s boxers, “Still okay?”, he asked, and Even nodded eagerly, “Yeah, baby, so fucking okay.”

“Okay”, Isak repeated, pulling down Even’s boxers, admiring his dick, all hard and leaking.

He couldn’t help to feel his mouth water at the sight. Even was big. Bigger than Isak was used to, and he really hoped that he would be able to deal with that.

He bend down, licking up Even’s length, and was immediately rewarded with a quiet moan.

Isak took Even into his mouth, sucking a little, getting used to his size, bobbing his head, swirling his tongue around his head.

Even was trembling underneath him, moaning his name, and Isak could get used to that sound. Hell, he would gladly make that his ringtone.

“Fuck, Isak, if you don’t stop- _aaaah_ , fuck”, Even moaned, when Isak took him in deep enough to hit the back of his throat, slowly working on relaxing his throat so that he could take Even in even deeper, swallowing around him.

Even panted, his chest rising and falling quickly, his feet pushing over the sheets.

“Please stop”, he whined, because he really didn’t want to come like that.

Isak pulled off, placing soft kisses on Even’s dick, then on his abs and his chest, moving up.

He hesitated before he reached his lips,

“Is it okay if I kiss you?”

“Huh?”, Even panted, looking confused.

“I just gave you a blowjob. Some guys don’t like to kiss after that”, Isak explained, moving his lips over Even’s neck instead.

“What? No. No, kiss me, I don’t care”, Even said, moving his hand into Isak’s hair and pulling him up to his lips.

“You’re so fucking cute and considerate, you know that”, he told Isak, looking at him a little amazed, before he pressed their lips together again.

He reached for Isak’s jeans, opening them and pulling them down over Isak’s ass, before turning them around so that he could take them off all the way, socks and boxers following.

He sat back for a moment and just looked at Isak, looked up and down and up again, until Isak smirked,

“And? Everything okay down there?”, he asked playfully, referring to that weird Cosmopolitan quiz Even made him take, and Even laughed, before he climbed on top of Isak again,

“Everything perfect. Down there, up here, everywhere.”

“You’re so cheesy”, Isak grinned, reaching for Even’s ass to pull him closer, and moaned loudly when their dicks slid together.

“And I was right about you being loud”, Even said, moving his hips against Isak’s to prove his point.

“Baby, I haven’t even started yet”, Isak promised breathlessly, and Even swallowed at that.

He kissed Isak again, resting on his forearm, moving his other healthy hand all over Isak’s body.

“Do you have condoms?”, Isak panted between kisses, “and lube?”

“Yeah”, Even answered breathlessly, giving Isak another kiss before stretching to reach for the top drawer of his nightstand, throwing a condom on the bed, followed by a brand new bottle of lube.

Isak didn’t comment on the fact that Even obviously just got this for tonight, but it still made him smile.

Even settled between his legs again, kissing Isak deeply, before looking at him,

“What do you want?”

“Mh?”

“Like, top or bottom?”

“Um. I usually like to bottom, but I’ll do whatever you want”, he panted, tilting his head up to get another kiss.

Even brushed their lips together, tracing Isak’s cupid’s bow with his tongue, “Bottom is perfect.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Perfect”, Isak repeated, and because he was starting to get impatient, he spread his legs a little further, hoping that Even would get the hint.

“You’re so beautiful”, Even praised, looking Isak up and down again, while he struggled to get the bottle of lube open with one hand.

“Come here”, Isak said, gently taking it out of his hand and opening it, squeezing some of it onto Even’s fingers.

“I don’t know if you’re familiar with the concept, but the gentle way is to warm it up a little”, he quoted, and Even laughed, breathless, while moving his fingers against each other a little to meet Isak’s request.

“Um, you might have to, um, take some time. I’m not- you’re pretty big, so it might take some time to get me ready”, Isak said, spreading his legs even further when Even’s hand started moving down.

“We have time”, Even said gently, blushing a little at the compliment.

He moved his finger over Isak’s rim carefully, teasing him a little, before pushing his first finger inside.

Isak looked calm, almost concentrated, breathing heavily and shifting his hips a little to get comfortable.

Even started kissing him again, tongue fucking his mouth in the same rhythm he moved his fingers in and out, and Isak moaned loudly against his mouth.

“Ready for the second?”, Even asked after a while, kissing Isak’s neck.

“Mh”, Isak hummed, moaning again when Even pressed his second finger in, and Even loved that Isak was loud and responsive.

He pressed his lips against Isak’s neck, slowly sucking on his skin, and Isak let him for a couple of seconds, before he pulled away a little,

“No hickies!”

“Mh?”

“Don’t give me- _aaaah_ \- any hickies.”

“Why not?”, Even asked, gently nibbling at Isak’s neck.

“Because I have class tomorrow and I don’t want my students to know that I got laid”, Isak panted, moving his hips against Even’s hand.

“Okay, that’s a good reason”, Even admitted, twisting his fingers a little, making Isak moan again.

“More”, Isak breathed against Even’s mouth, and Even pushed the third finger into him.

Isak’s mouth fell open, and Even pressed a wet kiss to his lips, moving his fingers quicker now. The wet sound of the lube and the sliding of his fingers in and out of Isak made him dizzy with desire.

“Can you- harder”, Isak panted, moving his hips, “and can you try to- _aaah_ , fuck, yes, _rightthererightthererightthere_.”

“Good?”, Even breathed against his mouth, and Isak made some sort of movement with his head, that Even interpreted as a nod, before Isak pushed his head back into the pillow, making a sound somewhere between a scream and a sob.

“Fuck, baby”, Even moved his fingers a little, pushing them against Isak’s sweet spot again and again, scissoring them and hoped to God that Isak would be ready for his dick pretty damn soon because otherwise Even would come just from looking at him.

“Can we- can I- are you ready?”, Even panted, not caring about sounding fucking desperate.

“Yeah”, Isak breathed, his voice raspy.

“You want to stay like this?”, Even asked, slowly pulling his fingers out, his mouth falling open at the high whining sound Isak made.

“Um, yeah”, Isak nodded, reaching for the condom and opening the package, “want to look at you.”

“Fuck, yeah, me too”, Even nodded, carelessly wiping his fingers over his – or Isak’s – boxers that were lying on the bed, bending down to give Isak another kiss, before Isak sat up to roll the condom onto Even.

“Thanks”, Even breathed, as Isak slicked him up with more lube.

Even settled between Isak’s legs again, his dick pushing against Isak’s rim.

“Fuck”, Isak breathed, shifting a little, giving Even a small nod.

Even bend down to kiss Isak again, even though it was less a kiss, more their lips and tongues sliding together while they breathed hotly into each other’s mouths, and then slowly started pushing in.

Isak grimaced a little, but breathed through the pain, trying to catch Even’s lips for another kiss.

“Okay?”, Even asked, half way pushed into Isak.

“Yeah, just”, Isak panted, holding on to Even’s biceps, “hold on one second, okay?”

“Whatever you need”, Even promised, even though the tightness around his dick was slowly killing him, and all he wanted was to finally pound into Isak until he could finally _finally_ come, but he just stared into Isak’s eyes instead, trying to calm down.

Isak shifted his hips again, moving them in little figures eights for a second, before nodding towards Even, who pushed in more.

Isak moaned and sobbed when Even was finally buried inside him completely, and Even gave him a little more time, before he couldn’t really help himself anymore,

“Okay if I move? I honestly don’t think I can take it anymore.”

“Yeah, yeah, move, it’s okay”, Isak cooed, moving his hand into Even’s hair, kissing him desperately, while Even started thrusting into him at a slow pace.

“You feel so fucking good”, Even praised, thrusting a little harder while looking at Isak’s face, checking to see if he was in pain, “so fucking tight, so good.”

Isak moaned loudly, his hips moving against Even’s now, while he lifted his legs and locked his ankles around Even’s waist, pulling him closer.

Even moved a little faster, bending down every other thrust to taste the moans that were spilling over Isak’s lips.

“Can I go harder?”, he asked breathlessly, kissing Isak’s cheek before pressing their foreheads together.

Isak moaned, nodded and moaned even louder when Even started thrusting into him harder. He lifted one hand over his head, holding onto the headboard to steady himself against Even’s hard thrusts, the other hand gripping Even’s hair.

Even moaned, too, slamming his hips against Isak’s ass now, admiring how Isak’s whole body shook with every thrust.

“Fuck yes”, Isak suddenly sobbed, his back arching off the bed, “ _rightthererightthere_ , yes, fuck, like that.”

Even tried not to change the angle while he thrusted into Isak even deeper and harder, stopping every other thrust when he was buried deep inside of Isak, pressing against his spot even harder, stretching him out even more, and Isak was starting to come undone underneath him, panting and sobbing and moaning at the top of his lungs.

Even felt himself getting closer, but he really didn’t want to come before Isak hadn’t, so he moved his hand down to Isak’s dick, and it only took one stroke for Isak to come all over his stomach, literally screaming now.

Even kept rocking into him, riding out his orgasm, before he changed the angle again, hoping he wouldn’t hit Isak’s prostate anymore, and started thrusting harder again, chasing his own release.

He watched Isak carefully, who started wincing a little, but still kept pulling Even closer.

“Come on, Even, baby”, he breathed into Even’s ear, “come inside me, fill me up.”

Even moaned, thrusting into Isak particularly hard, making Isak sob a little, before he came inside of him.

Isak closed his eyes, completely spent, enjoying Even’s hot breath hitting his face. Even was still moving, just a little, to prolong his own orgasm, and Isak didn’t really mind, so he let him.

He opened his eyes, meeting Even’s, and tilted his chin up. Even obliged instantly, pressing a couple of hot kisses to Isak’s lips, still trying to catch his breath.

“Fuck”, Even breathed, burying his face in Isak’s neck, “Cosmopolitan was wrong.”

“What?”

“You’re far better than _pretty good_ ”, Even panted, and Isak chuckled, moving his hands through Even’s hair,

“Idiot”, he said with a loving voice, smiling.

They kept kissing, slowly coming down from their high, until Even started to pull out.

“Fuck”, Isak hissed, “can you go slow?”

“Shit, did I hurt you?”, Even asked, looking alarmed.

“No, it’s fine, I’m just sore”, Isak said, “just go slow, ignore me, I can be a little whiny when it comes to that part.”

“Can I do something to make it hurt less?”, Even asked, wincing.

“No, I just tend to get a little oversensitive and that dick of yours is a lot to take”, Isak winked at him, and Even laughed a little, before he pulled out as slowly and carefully as he could.

Isak whimpered and grimaced in pain, and Even kissed his lips, trying to ease it.

“I’ll be right back”, Even whispered, getting up to go to the bathroom, threw the condom away, and returned with a wet little towel.

“How nice of you to clean me up afterwards”, Isak grinned, when Even ran the towel over Isak’s stomach, and Even laughed at the quote.

“Of course”, he said, giving Isak another kiss, moving to clean up the lube between Isak’s legs, before throwing the towel on the floor.

Isak hummed, moving to get under the covers, noticing the wet stain on them,

“Shit, sorry, seems like we got lube all over your covers”, he said, gesturing towards the blankets.

“We’ll just get underneath them, then it doesn’t matter anymore”, Even told him, crawling into bed next to Isak, and Isak placed his head onto Even’s chest carefully.

They were quiet for some time, and Isak wondered at what point he should get up and go home, when Even spoke up again,

“My mom is going to be so happy.”

“Ugh! Even! You can’t mention your mom when we’re naked in your bed!”

Even laughed, pressing a kiss to Isak’s hair, “Sorry. I think she is even more in love with you than I am.”

Isak lifted his head, looking at Even, “You’re in love with me?”

“Yeah?”, Even said, shrugging, and Isak loved him for not being embarrassed about it, “I think it kind of happened when you told me that movies can fix people.”

Isak smiled, crawling over Even a little to give him a long, lingering kiss.

Even grinned, “And honestly, if I hadn’t been in love with you already, you quoting Nas tonight would have done the trick.”

Isak chuckled, brushing their noses together, “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Isak smiled and pressed a sweet kiss to Even’s lips, “I think I may be in love with you, too.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhh”, Isak hummed.

“Wow, some first date”, Even commented, and Isak laughed, snuggling closer.

“Hey”, Even said after a while, “remember when you told me that I wouldn’t regret you saving my life at some point?”

“Mhm.”

“I don’t”, Even smiled, kissing Isak’s temple, “so thank you for saving me.”

“Well, thank you for letting me”, Isak replied, lifting his head again, and they kissed, slowly and deeply.

“Do you want to stay here tonight?”, Even asked quietly, when Isak was already half asleep.

“Mhh, if you let me”, Isak mumbled against Even’s skin.

“Of course.”

“You have to set an alarm, though. I get up at 5:30 on Fridays”, Isak said sleepily.

“Oh god, please tell me you’re kidding”, Even groaned.

“Mh-mh”, Isak mumbled, rolling over to lie down on this side, making a satisfied sound.

Even smiled at him for a second, before taking a deep breath,

“Why the fuck didn’t we do this on a Friday night, then?”

“Because I have to work tomorrow night”, Isak yarned.

“Fine”, Even sat up, reaching for his Jeans that were lying on the floor, getting his phone.

“5:30?”, he repeated, setting the alarm.

“Mhm.”

“Okay.”

“Thanks”, Isak said quietly, and Even smiled again.

He put his phone down on the nightstand and snuggled closer to Isak again, pressing his chest against Isak’s back, hugging him closely, and Isak sighed happily at the contact. Even buried his nose in Isak’s curls for a second, breathing him in, before pressing a few light kisses to Isak’s neck, each of which was rewarded with a little satisfied sound.

Somewhere on the floor, Isak’s phone started buzzing.

“Want me to get it?”, Even asked quietly.

“Nah, it’s probably just work”, Isak sighed, taking Even’s hand and pulling it up to his chest,

“Let’s ignore it.”

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something that is important to me:
> 
> The comment Isak makes about taking his mom's illness personally and realizing that this would be like asking a paralized person to walk is not really my own idea, but it's highly inpired by this:
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0B5nfkaeplc
> 
> It's a video about how the world would look like if we treated physical illness like some people tend to treat mental illness and is kind of a video about raising awareness for mental illness and showing everybody that mental illness is not a choice, not being grumpy or being bitchy or not trying enough, but that's just an illness and that it should be viewed as such.  
> So, you're welcome to leave a comment and feedback on this chapter, of course, but instead of asking for feedback and comments and kudos, I'm asking you to share this video with as many people as possible.
> 
> ALT ER LOVE ♡


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